Running full steam ahead? I am going to stop! Are you?

We recently learnt that a 33 yr old man we know died of heart attack! He is survived by his young wife, pretty toddler and unborn child! It broke my heart to hear this news and I couldn't sleep for it! So the geek and I got thinking! Why is this happening to our generation? Why when we have made such progress on all fronts, longevity is now becoming an issue? And here is what we think!

We are a generation of over-achievers. Whatever we do, we seem to want more! Our needs and wants have grown multifold. We want big homes and automobiles. We want to travel and see places! We want to dress up and look good, we buy more clothes and shoes. We want to explore our palates and eat out. We want to party and make merry. We are not afraid to take risks and we do that over and over again financially. What we are really doing is hedging on our future! We hedge on our ability to earn and earn more in the future. So our present is filled with regrets about the past and worries about the future!

The previous generation saved up before they bought a home! But we are risk takers and go-getters.And guess what the banks, the country and the whole generation is with us on this. Success and Progress is important to us and we judge each other's and our own success by the amount of money we make and luxuries we afford! We have the need to do well at work. And with the sheer number of resources available today job security is unheard off. So we just work harder and harder and harder!

Our kids are our little clones. They run from one activity to another. They perform exceptionally at school, learn an art and play 10 different sports. Now this is a good thing. But this means everyone is always running to the next best thing! Before 30 and 35 this generation has done more than the previous generation did in multiple lifetimes. So naturally our stress levels are much higher!

Now I do not sit on a high horse and point fingers. I am part of this generation and very much in the core of the issue. So what do we do now? It is when we see a stark reminder like what we encountered that we start thinking. Where is contentment? Is it in our next pay check, next vacation or next pair of shoes? Or is it sitting quietly there in a corner of our head waiting for us to stop running and pay notice? I am stopping to look, are you?

I am proud of my choices! Are you?

I want to write this while I am still unemployed technically! Ever so often people would ask me "So what do you do?" and I would say "I am unemployed". They look shocked like I just insulted Me! And they overdo it! "Hey don't say that! You are a home maker! I know how hard that is!!" this guy tells me! His wife is a "Home Maker" too!
"You wouldn't call me that if you saw my home" I tell him
"Hey taking care of 2 kids is hard work" he says. I am thinking "Hey dude why are you defending my life choice?" but I say "Really, you would think! I point at my daughter with her messy hair and gooey face!!"
So all you stay at home moms out there! Is it just me or do you find this kind of talk patronizing? I don't care saying I am unemployed! Hey I made this choice and am proud to accept responsibility for it!
I spend some of my days running around my house chasing a 2 yr old! Its not hard work, its fun! I spend my afternoons listening to playground tales that my 8 yr old shares. I cook everyones favorite dish for dinner some days! I watch my favorite tv shows, read a book and catch a movie! Hey I am a bum some days! But guess
what I am a content bum!

I know things will change soon when I get back to work! I am going to feel guilty and miss this time. So I am going to have fun and enjoy it! I. In the process if I have a messy house who cares? I am having fun and that is important to Me!!! Is that so wrong? I am blessed that I can afford to be unemployed and I thank god for that! Let me have my simple pleasures of being jobless!! Don't patronize my choice!!

Now the flip side! Before that let me say my husband thinks I feel that way because I know the unemployment is by choice and not forced! I know I can go back to work when I choose too, so I am not dark and dreary!! :p Lol!!!!

Where was I ? Yes the flip side! Working women! I admire them, because guess what I have done that! I know what it takes to perform that juggling act. I know how guilty it feels and how tired you get! Give yourselves a pat for doing it! However I see these women who think they are successful just because they have a career and someone else doesn't!
Philosophically it makes me think! Are we out there chasing a mirage? I was talking to this middle aged lady recently. She is in the US watching her grand kids. Her daughter's in law will be here next. Apparently for a month in between there will be no one to support! She said "I asked my daughter to take a month off and she said I am not a stay at home Mom kind of person!" This lady said it with pride! But I was taken aback. So you are saying you have better things to do than spend time with your child? You made the choice to have the child, accept the responsibility that comes with it! And this is not just for women! So don't think I am not judging you men out there chasing careers!! I am
Sitting on my high unemployed throne and judging all of you!!

I know most women try really hard! I have friends who break their back and stress out about being perfect and balancing work and home! Some have chosen to work part time, work from home, take salary cuts, take breaks that will affect their career progression and do whatever it takes to make it work!

Now to the real question! Why are the women always judged no matter what? The working woman feels guilty of not being there for her kids (does the man feel guilty? Noooo!!) The stay at home mon feels victimized for not being successful! And most of the times it is one woman judging another!

So tell me what is success? Who defines it? Why can't we celebrate each other's choice and show solidarity? I am proud of having been unemployed! And I will be proud of my choice to work at some point! Are you proud of your choices too?

Wedding Cake Toppers

I got married in an Indian Style wedding. So I neither had a cake nor a cake topper. Growing up my birthday cakes had no toppers either! But now there is no birthday cake without a fun topper. My son choses his birthday cake theme months in advance! My daughter turned 2 and we went looking for a barney themed cake in every store! If we are so particular about birthday cakes, then think about their wedding cake toppers! It would definitely need to be over the top!

Recently my husband and I who have adjacent birthday's decided it was time to get ourselves a yummy cake! So I went looking for a cake topper! I wanted one with a biker guy and a hot chic! We settled for a bike and 2 figurines. But why settle? This was a small do, with family! What if it was a wedding, the most important day in your life would you want to settle?

Now you dont have to! Wedding Star has the most amazing cake toppers! I was looking at the different options and was impressed! I especially liked the one with the girl piggy backing on the guy's back! I am sure I would have wanted one of the funny ones! Well it never is too late, maybe it is time to renew our vows!

Wedding Star has a huge variety of  Wedding Cake Toppers to choose from. Make that your first choice. Go browse now and you will walk away with something that will capture the true essence of your relationship! And this cake topper, will remind you all your life of why the two of you came together! It will make your wedding day, a day to remember!

Wedding Decorations

I recently wrote a poem in my other blog. A wedding is a girl's dream! Across the world girls dream about it! Much as we complain about the cost of weddings, there is something about the glitter and sparkle that is appealing. My sister got married recently in an Indian style wedding and we went all out getting ourselves all decked up for the wedding. The wedding hall boasted vegetable carvings, sculptures, magic taps and various other decorations! The music was selected with much thought, and the menu was cause for much delibration!

Everyone expects perfection for weddings, and now it is easy. There are so many people available to help. Wedding planners, wedding stores, fairy godmothers and magic wands. Whatever your budget, whether you want to spend a few thousands or hundreds of thousands, there is a way to make that day extra special. There is a way to make the day sparkle and glitter. There is a way to make it a memorable day!

Wedding Star is one such place making dreams come true. Wedding star is the one stop wedding place. You can find accessories, decorations, wedding favors, cake toppers, ring pillows. You need it for your wedding and you can find it there! And whats more, it is in the digital era. Made for the modern man and woman, everything is available at the click of a button!

The goal is to make your wedding planning as fun and stress free as possible. Wedding Star believes "The time leading up to your momentous day can be stress free if you've already spent time ensuring you've left no details to chance". And isn't that vital? Isn't the wedding day something you will cherish the rest of your life. Wouldn't you rather spend the days leading up to it relaxing in a spa somewhere? So do that! Use the time spent planning your wedding to pamper yourself! And leave the details to the experts!

Wedding Star has been doing this for years and the experts can help you make decisions faster, quicker and smarter! Pick a theme, select the wedding decorations, bridal accessories, wedding favors and even cake toppers all at the click of a button! Internet has simplified our life! Let Wedding star simplify your wedding. Make it a day to remember!

All iiiissss well! Or is it?

When you have a kid who plays for hours together with a steering wheel, a pretend one at that life is rosy! It is easy to sit and pass judgement on parents who let little itty bitty babies watch tv while your kid plays with his round object! It is easy to lazily wonder about ADD and TV watching while you surf through your tv shows and the little boy keeps himself busy! But let me tell you when you have had a day like I have, letting your kid focus on an hour of sesame street is sheer bliss!
You get cocky enough to whip out your iPad and blog! It has been all of 2 minutes and you are being climbed over while the trails along the couch are being explored!

Sigh! You think and get geared up for hours and hours of toddle-fief-Dom! If you are calling me unmentionable names for being a bad mom you need to hear the story!

I have spent a day washing little hands, legs, faces and the rest of everything from sidewalk chalk, grease, grime and other undisclosable explorations! I have had to remove wads and wads of toilet paper from the bowl where a certain minx thought it would be fun to dump contents of a whole new toilet paper roll! I have erased surfaces including magnetic boards and floors of pencil and crayon stains! Hidden pens and markers before the unthinkable happens! Gone hunting for the little pixie behind trash cans and in cardboard boxes! Run after her in the backyard while she picked on dirt, tried to destroy plants and trees, rearranged mulch and pebbles! And of course tried to feed her some healthy food while she insisted "mommy stop it" and snacked on junk!

But besides the daily madness and fearful anticipation of "terrible twos"! Really is it going to get worse than this? And besides the fact that my home always boasts the fact that a little tornado hit it and lives right in it, all is definitely well!

Tootsie has a more than healthy curiosity, an exuberant personality, bossy behavior and an immense love for dogs! The last fact is emphasized time and again as we stop neighbors from walking their dogs! Recently one of them offered to let Tootsie pet her dog, we just stopped short of bringing it home! After being hugged and licking Tootsie all over her face, the doggy had to feign sleep to be left alone!

We also try to bamboozle other babies and kids (who we call "baby" uniformly) and relieve them of their toys by telling them "giiiimmeee"! "Tootsie what do you say" asks mommy! "peaasee" coos the little imp and that apparently gives her the right to grab it now!
If mommy gets out of hand with the admonishments all that is needed is to shush her "Mommy ssshhhh...stop it!"

The little tyrant is walking on furniture again! Time to sign off and act alert! Bye bye!

The tale of the moving kitchen!

Yes you read that right! The moving kitchen .... That is what I need! A kitchen cart! About couple of years ago I moved to California! I was totally unprepared for the loss of space among other things! The kitchen came as an absolute shock! I have survived in small kitchens, galley kitchens! But this kitchen was designed in spite! Just to throw me the famous curve ball!
Survival instincts had me using the garage as an extension! In came a pantry closet! But still how could I make it work? I ordered a kitchen cart! A year later I moved to a bigger place with a kitchen to dream for! So in my moment if sheer bliss, I gave away the cart!
Now that Tootsie has decided on her life mission! To raid every cupboard high and low, climb every surface and destroy any semblance of order; I miss my kitchen cart! Especially since the only place I have managed to secure is my pantry! The only child lock requiring no drilling!
Now off to do some cart hunting! Maybe I can finally cart the dishes to safety!

Sleep is my arch enemy!

It is 1 AM and the house is still alive and alight. Even if the lights have officially been turned down some hours ago, the three ring circus won't shut down! We have retreated to the parental bedroom, numerous out of tune songs have been sung and rejected. The little pixie has been coaxed, cajoled and finally left to her own devices. Tired parental eyes watch, limbs outstretched, bodies are used as an obstacle course!
Years ago when my favorite movie was Sound of Music, I loved the song "The sun has gone to bed and so must I". Years later when I decided to have kids, I hoped these lines would ring true. Even after being a night owl myself I was delusional enough to believe that kids sleep through the night! Well 7 yrs and about 2500 days later I must tell you mine don't! When God was sending out the memo's about bed time, my kids weren't anywhere close!
My daughter thinks bedtime is the time to
Have crying jags and pretend sleepiness (you want to keep mommy hoping)
This phase is the first and starts early enough for mommy to get excited! And late enough for her to hope this is the actual bedtime. Usually culminates in a 15 minute nap after which we are re-energized and ready to face the night time fun activities with vigor and high spirits!
The slightest sound can be a source of excitement!
Last night Dada and the audacity to sneeze while she rocked on mommy's lap! The sleepy eyes turned bright and alight and awake now with renewed vigor, it was declared that fun awaits!
Songs that have been used before can not be re-used!
Every once in a while the pixie climbs onto Mommy's lap and asks her to sing in her out of tune voice! However the rule is no song can be re-used, now we'll see how she gets past this one!
Bedtime is for language practice and serious conversation!
My daughter thinks bedtime is to narrate to mommy our thoughts about life in general. Only mommy does not follow the pixie speak, so she is in training every night! And the pixie says seriously over and over again "aai hula, sshiish theethhee thhekkum ....voishetheeee"
And when all else fails, it's time to decide your life's direction
Night time is when the pixie trains to be a singer (Barney's "I love you" is sung over and over again), a belly dancer (bring on the butt shake baby), chicken dancer (this involves walking around in circles with hands shaking and folded into their armpits), voice trainer (we practice voice modulation, even if sometimes it looks like Pixie is training to be a loudspeaker!), tight rope walker (this is practiced on the bodies of parents who pretend to sleep), mountain climber (again parents who are available make good mountains) and last but not the least training parents in survival skills (staying awake and alert in times of extreme sleep)
I am hoping to clear training in about 18 years, I will then update you on how we faired...till then from zombie world it's a zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Show me the inventor of Cribs!

And he will rue the day! Recently I posted a picture on my facebook account of the crib that is apparently not to be slept in! Many laughed at my plight! I have read all the children books, and listened very closely to the pediatricians.. who tell you to put the baby in the crib and walk away! My baby thinks that is a cue to

1. Start screaming the house down

2. Join me in a game of throwing her teddy bear out and me pick it up

3. Bounce in the crib in sheer glee, till she goes back to step 1

As a result the crib is never slept in! And the devilish Dad does not fail to remind me how I ordered the crib and assembled it all in 1 hour because my daughter absolutely needed it.

To tell this story right I must start at the very beginning. Lets go back a couple of years.. to a time when we had one kid who had ordered a bed of his own in his own room and promised to spend his night sleeping (or as he most likely was.. bouncing) in his own bed! The parents decided it was time to buy a new bed for themselves! And why stop short.. so they went to the store got greedy and bought a giant king sized mattress! After all we were promised sleep after 5 years of kicks and prods! Well 2 hrs of it anyway, after that the brand new bunk bed in Cheeky's room got too lumpy and the room was just too cold to be slept in! Who could blame him eh?

Anyway, we were so pleased with ourselves! What with our king bed and all! And then we moved to California! And rented a match box to live in! And decided to have baby 2. Now where would baby sleep in? Hey we could not be expected to share right? So we bought her a little travel crib with a cute bassinet, and settled for sliding in sideways in and out of the room! But the bassinet was just not right.... so right from the start Tootsie knew just what to do when she was asked to sleep.. climb into mommy's bed!

Months later, we moved into a bigger house with more room, and decided (OK I Decided, it was time for a crib). So I made this big story about my daughter waking up and rolling off the 4 ft tall bed (really what were we thinking huh?).. and bought and assembled the crib! Since then it stands there in our bedroom a silent reminder of my folly! The hubs just bursts into hysterical mirth.. especially in the wee hours of the morning when Cheeky finds his lumps and climbs in next to mommy!

So I decided on a quiet night when the hubs was out of town I will work a miracle.. I lulled the little minx to sleep and quietly put her in her crib and tip toed all the way to the family room, and curled up in front of the television! Lo behold the screams arrived (in about 30 seconds!).. feeling sorry for the little one, and silently admonishing my maternal instincts I put her next to me and started to curl up next to her!  Only to be kicked away! That is the rule of climbing into mommy's bed.. if you did not know that.. kick her out! I must admit though, after 7 years of this, without that kick to my spine.. I would hardly wake up rejuvinated from my sleep!

Now I ask you.. what are those good books and pediatricians talking about? And the inventor of cribs .. well he (for only a guy could have done this) for sure did not have any children!

Job Profile: Model/Actress (in training!)

It dawned upon me a couple of days back! My daughter is growing to be an actress.. for sure! All the sign were there... but my dim witted self needed some prodding before enlightenment dawned for sure!

At 3 months her doctor told me "She is a strong personality" .. while I knew that meant in mommy-ese, she is a stubborn, hard headed little girl, it did not occur to me that this was a sign, a signal .... telling me her life direction!

But lately, the cloud is clearing up, and I can see the future! You think I am kidding?

Carbs are the enemy - Tootsie hates carbs, and make sure she does not have too much of them! On any given day, she nibbles on her food. She hates carbs of any kind, I have tried rice, pasta, wheat, quinoa, you name it! She prefers to nibble on little bites, and stay focussed on her diet! Her doctor told me that she was "really skinny" for a baby! And she wasnt even walking yet!

A strict regime is essential - She is always on the move, getting her tummy crunches, cardio and other exercises in! If it means, mommy has to be kept in shape too.. so be it (My body however cares less, after all the running behind the little pixie, my BMI stays put!)

Less is More - She believes in a co-ordinated wardrobe, but less is the operative word! Earlier this week, I had dressed her in stockings and skirt. While I was otherwise occupied doing diaper changes, she lost the stockings and insisted it was to be just the short skirt.. Showing legs are a good thing apparently!! That night we were at a block party on our street, she proved her point by taking of her socks and slamming it to the ground!

Show me the Money - She loves her Dad's wallet, and does not give it up! EVER!

Walk the talk - She also loves the phone and continues to hoard that too!

Center of Attention - Always the show girl, she socialises wherever we set foot! She proved this at the same block party,as we laughed to some joke, we heard a pronounced "hahaha".. all eyes turned to our very own Show girl! Guess who the Center of Attention is now? (Fist in air)

Prettiest of All - We cant talk much, but can definitely stroke our own cheeks and say "Pyaara Pyaara" (Lovely). And ask her who the pretty princess is? Guess who that would be?

The actress - And she can act.. not that that is essential.. but she walked around the room this afternoon (strutted should I say?) .. as much as she could.. we are now mastering the penguin walk, but it is the cat walk next for sure! Every once in a while she would stop and put her head down on the ground and say "Thaachi" (Lie down.. short hand for sleep), and close her eyes! Apparently she knows the importance of beauty nap.. even if she is only acting!

Charming is the magic word - Tootsie knows that the way to get her way is being charming! She woos us with her kisses and sweet talks! And if nothing else works, turn on the magic tantrums... just cry like a baby!!

And I rest my case (as always)! I guess now dad needs to start worrying! Martial arts and Gun shopping?

6 yr old obsessions - Money and Dogs!

My 6 yr old is obsessed with 2 things. Money and Dogs.. and not necessarily in that order!

First the Money Obsession

If you read my previous post, you would not be surprised! His biggest role models now are Warren Buffet and Bill Gates. Cheeky and my retired dad have some very scintillating conversations apparently. And in a weak moment my dad has told  him about his ex-boss (VM), who apparently followed Jack Welch a lot! So Cheeky had a brain wave one afternoon as we navigated Chennai traffic!

He said "I think J Thatha (Granddad) should hire VM to work for him"

"Or better yet may be he could hire Bill Gates, or maybe both of them" (Each statement kept getting higher in pitch as the excitement grew)

"Then" He paused for effect "They can both make money for him and thatha can give all the money to me"! What a plan!

More recently.. on one of those couped up car rides, I figured I would use Cheeky's strategy of talking to him while I had his attention! So I told him about a friend who works for Microsoft! And Cheeky was impressed "Wow, so he makes Bill Gates richer?" he asked.

I said "Not for free you know, V gets a salary out of it"

Cheeky says "Thats not very smart of Bill Gates.. why is he giving his money away?"

Yeah what we want is Slavery to be re-established! If Cheeky became Bill Gates' financial advisors, Microsoft employees will sure rue the day!!

And now to the Doggie problem!

Ever since Cheeky found out at the age of 4, that having a twin sibling is out of the question, he has wanted a pet dog! Even producing him with a sibling has not solved matters! On the same car ride, he switched topics so fast, my head was reeling! I think he was trying to con me into acceptance!

"And I need a dog" he said!

But I have had proactice being Cheeky's mom! So I said "No way"

"But mom thats so unfair"

"You know dogs chew on carpeting and furniture"

"No they Dont!"

"Yes when you leave them alone at home.. they get lonely and they chew on furniture" I sure know how to goad Cheeky on!

"But I am not going to leave him alone! I will keep him with me at all times" It has been established the dog is a boy!

"What about when you go to school?"

"You can take care of him amma!"

"What about when I need to pick you up at school?"

"I am sure you can bring him to school then, its not like he will enter classrooms"

"But Cheeky I need to get a job and go to work" I am not being stuck with a dog at home all day!!

After a lot of thought

Cheeky asked "Amma does J thatha like being retired?"

"Yes"

"Do you think he will ever want to go back to work?"

"No"

"Perfect, then he can take care of the dog"

Apparently retired grand dads have a lot of uses!!

What would you rather be Rich or Famous?

What is it about being cooped up in a car that makes the kids think that this is the time to wax eloquent about anything and everything on their mind? The fact that I cant jump out, tune out or even glare at them... glaring at the rear view mirror does not count, makes it all the more easier! It is at times like these that I have life breaking insights into my 6 yr old's mind.

Cheeky has always been curious... like this morning at the doctors he had to know why the doctor's office was not marked "Employees Only" while one of the restroom's was! Why there were pictures of scary skeletons on the wall.. did they want to scare people away? But it was the ride back that was very amusing!

As always having me in the hot seat is the best part of Cheeky's day! He had me talking about Bill Gates and Warren Buffet! How do they make their money he wanted to know. After a long winded conversation about Stocks and Investments ... Cheeky asked me "So what would you rather be Rich or Famous?". Hey I just spent the past 10 minutes talking to you about stock and this is the return on investment I get?

Anyway Cheeky's questions as you all know are not to be taken lightly! So I answered almost immediately "Rich". Apparently I got it right!

"It is good to be rich right, especially in times of emergency" He said!

Emergency? Thinking about natural disasters, not being able to get to work becuase I have 2 demanding kids, emergency shopping trips I asked him "What kind of emergencies?"

"Like wanting a Finn Mc Missile". At our trip to the grocery store this week, he had badly wanted the latest Cars character (from the Cars 2 movie) and I had refused!

Remind me to hide my winning lottery from this guy!

[Edited to Add: A friend asked me "Whats it with kids and money?" and reminded me of a conversation we had a little while ago!

"Mommy how much money do you have in the bank? A million dollars?"

"No!"

"So do we have less or more?"

"Less.. definitely less!"

"A little less than a million?"

A couple of weeks later we visited India.. My son was found telling his Aunt "You know I wish my Dad has a million dollars.. he doesnt!" Sad face!

W-H-A-T?

And a couple more days later at the ATM.

The Non-Millionaire Dad went in to withdraw money while we waited in the car!

"Amma.. where does the money come to the ATM from?"

"Why doesnt Daddy just take all the money in the ATM?"

"Cheeky he can only take the money he has in his account".. that led to a long conversation about how money gets into the bank and how the money stays in the bank, and how saving the money was a good idea!

"I am not at all sure it is safe to leave all the money in the bank. I think we should just keep the money ourselves and not give any to the bank"

"But Cheeky they keep it safe for us"

"But Amma what if the bank gets robbed? There are so many bank robberies you know"

Someone has been reading one too many mystery novels! What did I do? What would I do... I put my head out the window and yelled to the Poor Dad "Can we go yet?"

And like Cheeky often says "I rest my case!"!!]