And then she smiled...

I sit here night after night asking the same question.. will tonight be the night? Will it be tonight that miracles happen.. the earth and the sky move, my stars align and my daughter chooses to sleep! And night after night she assures me that it is not time yet!! Every time I glance at the clock I calculate.. I am so thankful for my math .. if she sleeps for 3 hrs from now (like she is supposed to) .. then she will get up at x hrs and I will get oh wait where is my notepad.. x - the time now.. oh right that is 3 hrs of sleep.. but the hours tick away and she is not dozing off!! Instead I sit upright holding her against me so she can sleep in fits and spurts and I can live in constant fear of dozing off and dropping the precious bundle!! Sigh!! Like she will let me, a slight slip of the arm and I am reminded with a squeal.. and I am on high alert yet again (as alert as I can possibly be...)

Don't believe me? Come meet me and you will figure out like my neighbor did.. that my brain is out on vacation! I realised this the other day.. I stood breathing some fresh air for the precious minutes my daughter would deign to sleep.. baby monitor in hand. Meanwhile the imp zoomed past on his scooter.. keeping up his vigil on mommy! Between them they have a pact, when one rests the other takes over! So as I stood there (trying) to talk to my neighbor and the words eluded me. I seemed to have forgotten english and stood there grappling for my vocabulary! And that is when it occured to me, my brain must be on a vacation.

The next day I called my friend who is a new mom herself to check if my theory was right.. and as we spoke for an hour about diapers and baby poop, we were certain that we had lost it completely! M came home that evening and as I started telling him my woes I forgot what I was going to talk about. Now if I did not have enough signs here was one sure one! So I decided I needed a break and a hobby! Now blogging is a good enough hobby so is mindless surfing of the net, if I could get to a computer!

Now what kind of hobby can you pursue with a baby who refuses to leave your lap and arms? I got myself a netbook.. the hubs thinks I just needed an excuse to go get a mini laptop.. after all I have been angling for one for a long time now. And now I have been able to build a perfect case! Hey it is not like I got an IPad right... I could not build a strong enough case for 2 of those in the household! Sigh! The woes of my life!! M if you are reading this.. remember what I told you "Sharing is a good habit" .. so when can we swap and share? After all you need to go earn the bread and butter.. now hand it over!

And as I sat there in this woe begone state of mine contemplating my lost sleep (I talk about sleep day in and day out!! I am beginning to think people are running away from me! I wonder why!!) .. anyway as I sat there one morning at 5 am she smiled! The sleep melted away and incredulity stepped in. Here I was sitting fatigued after an all nighter... mentally cursing M who was travelling again.. who had the audacity to choose crowded airports, skipping timezones, untimely meals and strange hotels over a pleasant time with his family of sleepless women and bouncing imps! And she smiled.. her first ever smile on the dawn of her first month bday.. I gaped mouth open! Later that day the doctor asked me if she had smiled yet.. I was still dazed as I answered that yes indeed she had. And needless to say bored her with a monolgue of sleepless nights and mocking smiles!! The doctor now has a restraining order against me.. (puzzled expression!!) As for me, I sit today yet again sleepless and I await the second toothless grin!!

P.S. A friend told me sometime back (when I was pregnant actually.. why he chose that time to break the news to me is beyond comprehension.. but still as a true friend I think he was enlightening me!!?? Or as my luck seems to be lately.. he was mocking me as well I guess).. anyway he said "when you have 2 kids that is when true parenting starts". At that time I brushed off the comment with an intelligent blank look and a knowing fake smile.. but today I look back at those words and the meaning is beginning to dawn on me!! Oh my we are in for some interesting years ahead I say!