The tooth that got away...

Many people think I am fearless... No I am not fantasizing, they have told me so! So unless they are laughing behind my back, I really do believe they think I am fearless. Now that I have you confused, time for the big confession... I fear dentists! I absolutely fear them.. But pretend not to. So when the questionnaire at the dentist's asked me "Do you fear dentists", I had to say no!! Nevertheless I hate going to the dentist.. My 6 year old assures me that dentists are here to help us and not hurt us.

However I finally decided to face the fear and stepped into the dentist's a few days back. Now it is common lore that dentist love your teeth and want to keep it. Also dentist love to have you back... Again and again and again. Let's face it you represent money! The love the dentist has in seeing my rotten teeth again and yet again, surpases my love for anything sweet. So I walked through the dreaded doors yet again today. Now extracting tooth is cake walk.. The difficult part is cleaning.. Keeping your mouth open for the duration and hoping you are not ingesting any chemicals! Eew!

So what would I do for 45 minutes I thought... Maybe write a blog in my head.. For I am going to blog about this monumental episode for sure! I had initially contemplated a facebook status message.. For isn't that the fashion these days.. Sharing of the pain I think it is called!
"stepping into the dentists office" I would say..about 10 people would "like" that comment.
"Boy do I hate keeping my mouth open for 45 minutes" I would say next.. If I am lucky 4 of those likers will comment to say "lol"

You get the idea... But then I decided why waste a wonderful opportunity.. Better yet I will blog about it and post the link on facebook! Then I will have 4 likes and if I am really lucky maybe someone will actually read my monologue? Now if you are one of those people who read before "like" ... Thank you so much.. You just made my day!

Anyway... Back to the dentist's the blog got written in about 5 minutes.. So what about the rest 40? Well 5 were spent in hyperventilating.. And trying hard to breathe through the nose. Because the good lady who propped open my mouth told me to! Another 5 went in wondering why she said that.. Did I walk in panting? I vividly recall breathing through my nose all my life... Are you sure I heard that right and so on.. Now lest I start hyperventilating again, I had to find another diversion... So for the rest half hour I applauded myself for not having become a dentist! All my dentist friends should forgive me... But I spent that half hour. Tin king of these poor souls who had to peer into other people's mouth and look at rotten teeth all day. Suddenly it was not so hard to keep that mouth propped open.. I had a muse!

And then she smiled...

I sit here night after night asking the same question.. will tonight be the night? Will it be tonight that miracles happen.. the earth and the sky move, my stars align and my daughter chooses to sleep! And night after night she assures me that it is not time yet!! Every time I glance at the clock I calculate.. I am so thankful for my math .. if she sleeps for 3 hrs from now (like she is supposed to) .. then she will get up at x hrs and I will get oh wait where is my notepad.. x - the time now.. oh right that is 3 hrs of sleep.. but the hours tick away and she is not dozing off!! Instead I sit upright holding her against me so she can sleep in fits and spurts and I can live in constant fear of dozing off and dropping the precious bundle!! Sigh!! Like she will let me, a slight slip of the arm and I am reminded with a squeal.. and I am on high alert yet again (as alert as I can possibly be...)

Don't believe me? Come meet me and you will figure out like my neighbor did.. that my brain is out on vacation! I realised this the other day.. I stood breathing some fresh air for the precious minutes my daughter would deign to sleep.. baby monitor in hand. Meanwhile the imp zoomed past on his scooter.. keeping up his vigil on mommy! Between them they have a pact, when one rests the other takes over! So as I stood there (trying) to talk to my neighbor and the words eluded me. I seemed to have forgotten english and stood there grappling for my vocabulary! And that is when it occured to me, my brain must be on a vacation.

The next day I called my friend who is a new mom herself to check if my theory was right.. and as we spoke for an hour about diapers and baby poop, we were certain that we had lost it completely! M came home that evening and as I started telling him my woes I forgot what I was going to talk about. Now if I did not have enough signs here was one sure one! So I decided I needed a break and a hobby! Now blogging is a good enough hobby so is mindless surfing of the net, if I could get to a computer!

Now what kind of hobby can you pursue with a baby who refuses to leave your lap and arms? I got myself a netbook.. the hubs thinks I just needed an excuse to go get a mini laptop.. after all I have been angling for one for a long time now. And now I have been able to build a perfect case! Hey it is not like I got an IPad right... I could not build a strong enough case for 2 of those in the household! Sigh! The woes of my life!! M if you are reading this.. remember what I told you "Sharing is a good habit" .. so when can we swap and share? After all you need to go earn the bread and butter.. now hand it over!

And as I sat there in this woe begone state of mine contemplating my lost sleep (I talk about sleep day in and day out!! I am beginning to think people are running away from me! I wonder why!!) .. anyway as I sat there one morning at 5 am she smiled! The sleep melted away and incredulity stepped in. Here I was sitting fatigued after an all nighter... mentally cursing M who was travelling again.. who had the audacity to choose crowded airports, skipping timezones, untimely meals and strange hotels over a pleasant time with his family of sleepless women and bouncing imps! And she smiled.. her first ever smile on the dawn of her first month bday.. I gaped mouth open! Later that day the doctor asked me if she had smiled yet.. I was still dazed as I answered that yes indeed she had. And needless to say bored her with a monolgue of sleepless nights and mocking smiles!! The doctor now has a restraining order against me.. (puzzled expression!!) As for me, I sit today yet again sleepless and I await the second toothless grin!!

P.S. A friend told me sometime back (when I was pregnant actually.. why he chose that time to break the news to me is beyond comprehension.. but still as a true friend I think he was enlightening me!!?? Or as my luck seems to be lately.. he was mocking me as well I guess).. anyway he said "when you have 2 kids that is when true parenting starts". At that time I brushed off the comment with an intelligent blank look and a knowing fake smile.. but today I look back at those words and the meaning is beginning to dawn on me!! Oh my we are in for some interesting years ahead I say!

What's it with me and the flooding!

A few months back in good old Charlotte I donned my slacks and crisp shirt one morning. Packed 3 full bags - One the most important Lunch, the other what my work people forced me to lug along my laptop and the third my make up and candy stash with my wallet in my purse (quite as important I would say). I was ready to get on the commuter train to downtown and pretend to be an all important person in the corporate world! Meanwhile I had to keep my part of hte morning deal, wake Cheeky. The hubs had the harder part getting him ready for school.. As we stood 2 sleepy heads, one straight out of bed and the other all set for work but still sleepy and quite pregnant too.. We stood there in front of the sink and opened the tap and gush we were both drenched and the water kept gushing out while I watched in horror without any understanding. A pipe had burst on us.. A few precious minutes later sense prevailed and the hubs and I managed to turn off the water valves.. but the damage was done! That was quite an adventure you would say right?

But little did I know that the phrase "History repeats itself" would hold so true in my life! Last afternoon the hubs took off on a trip (carefree that he is)... and I struggled with my 2 little imps. The minute I rested my back one or the other one would pipe up!! And on one such occassion I noticed some water in the kitchen. Investigation proved the forbidden door was leaking (we have 2 forbidden doors in our tiny little apartment.. 2 forbidden doors and no storage!). This door housed the water heater which had sprung a leak. A call to maintenance later we found the heater had to replaced. That took the better part of my afternoon and I sighed and accepted a ruined rest time!

Later that evening I switched on the washer and my dad (who is visiting by the way) got ready to take an evening stroll) and lo behold he walked into a big pool of water in what used to be the kitchen! It was the washer this time. Tootsie began to scream right this instant and Cheeky thought this was splash planet and decided to play in the "big puddle" as he called it! I screamed like a banshee at the emergency maintenance call center ("We have paged maintenance ma'am there is nothing more we can do"! I am going to call 9-1-1 screamed the crazy woman!). My dad tried hard to keep the water from the carpet. And then sense prevailed. I twisted myself into a boomerang shaped spring toy while I groped in the dark behind the immovable washer for the valves. It was the wet kitchen with water steadily seeping into the carpets that bounced me back in shape.. or it would have taken an entire army to straighten me up! An hour and a half later maintenance arrived to tell me they would be back in the morning as I seemed to have everything under control. But you have seen no wrath as that of the mom of 2... "You will do no such thing.. you will clear the mess in the carpets right now" said I.. and the guy rushed to get a vaccum, rip out the carpets and run a blower to dry the place! While I settled to a night of owl-hood with my little infant!

And M is frolicking on his "business" trip! Now just you wait mister.. this aint funny!! You better have a good story!! Now what are the odds that this happen to me not once, not twice but thrice (and 2 times on the same day?) .. some one out there has some sense of humor I say!

(Img: http://www.porthuron.org)

(DISCLAIMER: THESE BLOGS COME UN-EDITED... I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MISTAKES.. SIGNED FROM ZOMBIE LAND)

Up and Away....

Oh well... it is no longer a shock or a surprise when I announce a move. It has become a way of life for us and a matter of fact news for my friends. "Oh well .. the Cheeky's are moving again" I can hear them say! So yes we are moving... again! There was a time in my life when a move meant I would get all flustered, call family and friends, make lists, start packing .... and do a myriad other things including having mega sized meltdowns.

This time I know somehow everything will get done. I will wave a magic wand and everything will disappear into that semi truck... I will fret and worry as much as I want... it will get there only when the moving company wants it to (in other words in their own sweet time). The house can be cleaned a dozen times now, but when the moving company loads up; it will look like a hurricane just swept through! So why bother? Right? So I decided to sit down, relax and blog!! In fact in a long time in months, I am at a loss for things to do.. no laundry to do, no ironing to do, no cooking and no grocery shopping.. we will all just sit around in limbo and savor our last few days in Charlotte!

While in this self imposed limbo, when we try and close our eyes to the messy pig sty we call home now; we tell ourselves "In the new place.. we will be nothing short of perfect!" Yeah right we know that ain't happening!! So we decided to explore the still unexplored parts of Charlotte. And we headed to the much talked off "old money" zone of Charlotte. This is where they have gianormous brick buildings enclosed behind massive gates. Where the pride of the "South" runs deep, and the families can trace lineage back to centuries. Amidst this little fairy tale world is a mall called South Park Mall... where you wil find Burberry and louis Vitton (Names I can't even pronounce right). We walked into Sunglass hut and found Prada and Gucci and all other big names ... sun glasses that cost a mini fortune. Ermenegildo Zegna and other such names that will never make its way out my mouth!

So anyway... we went to this mall, surfed the stores and the hubs bought a ridiculously expensive designer sunglass of unpronouncable name and undeterminable value ... now for the sake of our southern pride we will leave the cost undisclosed! Meanwhile Cheeky and I true to our spirits walked to a book store and rummaged the bargain aisle where I worried over spending 6$ on a bargain book and the hubs gave me a hard time about carrying my "books" to California. A hard look at the sunglass later I won my way and Cheeky added a $2 elastic band to our loot... "$2.25 for elastic bands? this better be good mister" I told him! Apparently this is the latest rage in kindergarten world.. silly bands they are called! I call it scamming! A brownie and french fries later Cheeky and I wore a big satisfied smile on our faces as we trodded along side the big guy! My are we easy to please... the swaroski's and tiffany's did not even get a sideways glance from me! tch tch!!

We spent some time geekishly gawking at the cool IPad though and decided to call it a day! For a long time I have been intrigued by the Abercrombie and Fitch stores and their likes. The dingy interiors and the stylish manequins have me intrigued. So we walked in and looked at the highly priced torn pairs of jeans and I thought of my grandmom. I walked to what they call "Betty's" section and found these pair of cute looking really short shorts... my son naively asked "Are these for kids?" .. No hon "They are for mommy". He took a good look and declared "And they are ripped up.. its not even funny! Don't you buy them!" you bet! The sales guy was giving me a funny look I couldnt resist telling him "I know what you are thinking.. they dont make clothes my size do they?" as I walked out. He had a good laugh for sure!! As for me.. I dream on, I told the hubs I will go back and buy those shorts and skirts if only for spite! I will make myself fit into them even if it kills me! "Ofcourse you will hon" he said .. the smart guy knows when to let things be!

That shoe fetish!

I have written many posts about shoes.. so much you must be thinking it is an obsession with me! Well shoes has always been a pet peeve with me! I have always felt my legs were oddly shaped and that it is so hard to find the perfect shoes for me! Not to mention, I like the shoes to be just perfect too.. I hate broad shoes, I hate those that are too narrow, I hate stilettos but would like to leave behind the flat shoes (remember the height difference between the hubs and me). So the quest has been on for finding the perfect shoes!

When I was foot loose and fancy free (naah not literally, I mean when I was not married), I went home one weekend to spend the time with my parents. My room mate of those days had a shoe fetish and literally hoarded shoes. I on the other hand had landed with one pair of sandals on my foot that broke on the very first day! We had spent the next day hunting down the perfect pair of sandals in a new town! We had ended up finding some really cool places (This was in Jayanagar 4th block - Bangalore.. for those of you who have been there, you know why I did not at all regret hobbling around with one broken shoe)!

I went home one weekend with a re-awakening. I needed shoes! I dragged my dad to one shoe store after another in the hunt! I wanted to get 5 pairs of shoes. I don't really remember what else I got, but one of them would continue to remain with me for years. I wore that lovely pair of high heels to my wedding reception (so I could atleast match the Hubs height). Year later I had lost track of that favorite shoe! This year on my vacation my heel fetish hit me again and I was found shopping at shoe sales to find some shoes I could bring back with me! Nostalgia struck and I began the hunt for that favorite heels. After much searching my uncle told me it was probably hidden somewhere in my grandmom's home as he had heard my grand father complaining about all my shoes taking up so much space!

So one afternoon I made my uncle hunt the shoe down and bring it to me. To his credit he did warn me "I am sure you really weren't expecting this" he said as he handed me the bag of shoes. And there in the heap lay my precious pair with its sole peeling off! I wonder if my grandmom used it to hit something? Maybe it made a good hammer? The heel was broken in two!

My grandmom was capable I tell you. Remember the time long ago when Stone wash jeans came into fashion. My mom would mumble about these ridiculous looking jeans that looked like they were a million years old. But who listened? I got a pair and treasured them. About a month later they went missing and how! I went home to a beaming grandmom! I am not sure if this is possible now, but in those days (God do I feel old) you could give your old clothes to the plastic vendor and he would give you plastic goods in exchange for the clothes. So my beaming grandmom told me "Remember your old jeans that were so faded? I gave them to the guy and got a bucket (pail)" You've got to be kidding me I thought but just ran in to check and confirm my suspicion. I couldn't crush her bouyant mood, so I said "Wow that must be worth 20 bucks.. congratulations" while inside I cried!

Now back to the shoes! Remember how I wrote about the made to order shoes for kids that were available on this website? I wish I could get those! I need some made to order shoes this instant. The 10 or so pairs in my closet do not suffice! Meanwhile Cheeky wants yet another pair of shoes.. he claims his feet have grown again. I think it is just a ploy to get shoes that tie up. He has been caught chanting "Loop, Sloop (whatever that means) and pull" and he just now told me he is going to practice on my shoes. I better be off to extricate my fav sport shoes from the imp's hands!

A big hearty southern breakfast

I recall the movie My Cousin Vinny. Set in Alabama, Vinny is shocked when he sees the guy in the restaurant making breakfast with a huge laddle full of butter “Haven’t you heard of the ongoing cholesterol problem in the country” he asks. I got to experience this in reality this weekend!

I have always known that southerners are fabled to eat hearty meals. I have seen it in the movies read about it in the books but was yet to experience it! I am a light eater in the morning. Coming from a culture where the mid day meal is the heartiest packed with loads of carbs and centered around eating a lot of white rice, I have followed this all my life. I start my day with a glass of water and then rush through a small tiny bowl of cereal after an hour or maybe 1 banana and a coffee! I have never been able to eat more than that. Now my lunch is bound to have bowl after bowl of white rice with spicy concoctions and a side of vegetables. I am a vegetarian, so I have to fill up on this to survive, that is my excuse!

This Saturday however I had to make another trip on the quest for “that elusive flu vaccine ” (more on that later) and couldn’t fit a breakfast into my schedule. So after struggling with my 5 year old and that flu vaccine, we made a trip to a diner for we were famished! We were handed a 4 page bound menu for breakfast! I looked incredulously at the hubs who was struggling to understand the multitude of combo’s and sides that we could possibly have. I never knew there were so many options for breakfast trust me! The hubs likes to have a hot breakfast and it usually comprises of toast and maybe if we have the energy a couple of scrambled eggs! This is our idea of hot breakfast. On weekends I make the exception and make some rice pancakes a la Indian style and I think I have excelled myself. And here I was staring at at least a 2 dozen options for breakfast and was almost having a dizzying fit! My 5 yr old however was unfazed as he decided to have an egg and some fresh fruit!

I on the other hand ordered a combo and if I was a camel I wouldn’t have had to eat for the next 15 days. There were the grits resting in enough butter to coat all my stomach and intestine I assure you. Haven’t heard of grits? Its a porridge made of corn! Looking at the butter I raised an eyebrow at the hubs and asked if we better call emergency before we have that heart attack? This was followed by a plate of roasted potatoes that oozed oil, 3 scrambled eggs with mushrooms, spinach, cheese and grease, some buttered toast that literally melted in my mouth and a big bowl of fruits followed by a large glass of juice to help drown all that cholesterol! I refused the ham, or I would have had that resting on my plate too! And now I know what a big hearty southern breakfast is! I was left looking around in amazement at all the people who sat around me and ate that meal unfazed! I was seen peering into a lady’s plate to make sure she got all that butter too.. but I am sure they all ran home from the diner. Me, I sat in my car and went home to stretch in front of the television and try to ingest those 2000 calories of breakfast, while my rice cooker was cooking up a big bowl of rice for lunch! Sigh!

(Note: The picture courtesy of google images does not describe my hearty southern meal as the egg portion is a lot smaller as are the bread. The fruits are missing too.. ) Makes you want to try a big hearty southern meal doesn’t it? For all the cholesterol I assure you the meal tastes absolutely heavenly even if it left me with a pounding headache as my stomach tried to process all that fat for the rest of the day!

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Getting hitched.. the Tam Bram way!

I will chronicle the final part of our adventures in my next post.. for now just a news flash! We are back to boring old routine!! Now to the rest of my post.

A couple of things before I start.. no I am not getting hitched.. that happened 7 years ago.. (no I am not even going to give you a historical recap.. pulease!) However, I am urging my sister "The fantasy girl" to repeat history and get hitched.. but then she lives in a fantasy world and dreams of the knight in shining armor on a tall white horse sweeping her off her feet and riding off into sunset.. (with dust getting into their eyes?) So here is how I am helping her figure out that ain't happening in a household like ours! With a blog post!
Secondly, a little dive into what qualifies as a "household like ours"... A Tamil Brahman (Tam-Bram) household like every other with its own set of idiosyncrasies! This is what transpires in a Tam Bram (Tamil Brahman) household as a girl comes of the "Marriageable" age... which starts at 21.. in the final year of college!

Coming from a Tam-Bram household that struggles between being traditional and modern... as you can imagine groom hunting is quite an involved task in our household! While under usual circumstances the family treats everyone under the age of 40 as kids (Kolundhaikku edhavadhu kuduthaya - Did you give anything to the baby?), they are quick to notice when you turn 21 and are waiting to pounce on you! And if you as much demur, it is decided that you are in love with someone!

At least if you are living with your parents you are saved from further speculation. A friend lives across seas and is yet to make the plunge.. he is speculated to be married to a "Velakari oo Karupiyo" - foreigner, and have "Kolandhai Kutti" - roughly translated means kids/young ones; whatever that means! The poor guy apparently is making ends meet in his part of the world and just enjoying being single... while his relatives plot to reign in the net and get him hitched!!

Anyway, more on the struggles of the Tam Bram confused household! Traditionally the horoscopes are matched , parents are met and the marriage is fixed.. whatever happened to the bride and groom you ask? Here is where the (so called) modern outlook come in. With educated city bred foreign aspiring/living boys and girls, that is so not enough! So now they want to talk to each other and air out their views.. while the parents ask every night and day "So do you like the boy/girl?"..
"Ahem I need more time"..
"What do you need more time for, he is well educated, kai naraya sambadhikaran (earns a hand full... that's it?) and comes from a good family background what more do you want?" or "she is beautiful, adaka odukama iruka ( I have no clue how to translate this.. but roughly means she is timid and shy?) and comes from a good family background what more do you want?"
"Maybe I should meet him/her?"
"Sure get engaged first"
Whoa??
Meanwhile somehow the girl has convinced her parents and the boy has put his foot down and they get to exchange emails and have that phone call.. amidst daily enquiry from parents "What did you talk? What do you think? How long did you talk today?". And then the girl and boy now want to meet! If you think that will buy some time, you are grossly mistaken!
Sure say the parents with all magnanimity ... and then the parents of the boy along with a couple of well meaning, loud talking relatives, their boisterous kids and a few other tag along's arrive along with the boy! The boy and his retinue are greeted, fed and filled and the "Pon pakara padalam" - (Girl meeting ordeal) is on the way! (In the background.. the girl and her parents have a tiff about what she should wear.

"I will show up in jeans" she says "thats what I wear everyday, lets not fool them into thinking I am someone I am not"

"Wear saree" say the parents and they both settle for a salwar kameez "with sleeves!!!"... anyway moving on...the retinue has now been fed and all inappropriate questions have been asked by either sides!

"How much do you earn" someone asks the boy

"So do you cook?" the girl is asked.. and they are both perspiring from an attack of the heart and the nerves! Finally someone suggests that the boy and girl go away and talk in private! So they are off to some cramped quarters to talk to each other for about 45 minutes. If as they come out there is a smile plastered on their faces, and they did not walk out in less than 5 minutes.. someone inevitably asks "appo eppo nichyadartham?".. "so when can we have the engagement".. Excuse me?
Some Tam Bram households have crossed this stage and now let the girl and boy meet without subjecting them to this mayhem.. however not for long. The very first meeting comes with a deadline.. "so when will you have an answer?"... ever tried responding to that with "When I am ready?" you are bound to hear a full length lecture on how the western world has spoilt these children!!

If you are Tam Bram and single, it is advisable to avoid all kinds of big gatherings especially weddings (for that seems to set the tone to the hope that every single being is paired off)! Or have relatives who can fend off inquiries! However the relatives don't, the well meaning close ones walk around with a copy of your horoscope that is readily produced on even the subtlest of inquiries, while others are ready to pounce on you and get you hitched right there! And God forbid that the boy/girl happen to be available in the same venue! You are in for some big time match making!
And if you do give your consent to marry some dude, your journey has just begun.. there is the engagement and the endless stream of relatives and friends with their free advice to endure! Everyone you meet.. Tam Bram or otherwise will prod/ tease/ mock/advice on the only topic that occurs to them now.. your wedding! It is almost as though the rest of the world ceases to exist now! Everyone will ask you ..if you are excited? If you talk to him/her every day/night? How many times in a day? If you visit each other every weekend? If you talk to the parents too? If you are learning cooking? If you are doing the wedding shopping? If you are going crazy? (no that last one is common knowledge right? So why ask?)
Well at least most brides have the good sense to hire a parlor to do hair and make up (unlike me) and don't have to endure dozens of relatives getting creative! And most parents have given up their struggle against their kids independence and just let them be! Not to mention in this day and age, there are a lot of cafes (and pubs) across the town that you can skunk off too. Besides, expectations have almost hit rock bottom... as long as you are not eloping with some guy off the street and have consented to marry the guy picked/ approved (even if he barely meets the approval guidelines) by your parents.. they let you get away with anything! Some parents are learning to live with even lower expectations, as long as they are invited to the wedding they will live with it! But my Tam-Bram household is yet to get there!
And once you are married the next question arrives.. "So any good news?" ... yeah right, I got hitched isn't that news enough? But no.. the next step is to now produce a bundle of joy.. and then the next.. and then they can start plotting your kids wedding!! And the journey goes on...

Multilingual or linguistically challenged?

Uncharacteristically I have been writing some travel posts on this blog! As everyone who knows/ has been exposed to (yes I am the human equivalent of a virus.. and beware very contagious) would agree I find it very difficult to get serious! All my pictures have these big Cheshire cat grins which not only shows off my yellowing teeth (come on.. they are growing old with chocolates and candies.. and my culinary escapades have left their mark) but also my gum's! If I ever tried a serious expression in a picture I end up looking ridiculous and the picture is object of further hilarity. Like the time my sister-in-law (sil) told me not to grin at least in one picture.. I actually have a huge pout and look about to cry.. maybe now people would believe stories about the tortures of my sil.. As of now, no one believes a word of it and declare rightly so that it must be the other way around!

Back to the point, I have been writing travel posts on this blog (and the reason I keep repeating that statement is) in case you haven't noticed! However I did notice that my readership has gone down drastically.. and I am mourning the loss! Some well meaning critics of mine told me.. my travel posts aren't half as interesting as my regular programming (that is considering that people actually do want to read my blog in the first place and don't have to be prodded/ pushed/ bashed up/ tied down to read it)... While the comments stood silent testimony to the fact that I was getting {yawn} boring (and am still unable to snap out of it.. someone stop me from going on and on and on) I kept at it with the determination that I would put down into words my travel escapades for the sake of posterity (most likely it would be only me reading it.. but why admit to that?)

Back to regular Cheeky programming! Cheeky has been having a blast in India.. he declared to a friend of mine a week ago that he now knows 5 languages officially.. them being Tamil, Spanish, French, Russian and Hindi.. On being reminded the fact that he seemed to know English too for he was talking in that one he declared "Oh yes I can speak 2 accents of English - American and Indian so now I know 7 languages" thank goodness he did not add the different accents in America "Yankee, Californian, Southern.....Confused (like Mommy's!) ..."! Now does he really know all these languages? Oh yes he does!

He can speak a decent Tamil.. except sometimes it ends up sounding like unintelligible English..but most of the time he gets it right and Mommy bears a proud accomplished grin as a result!

Spanish.. if you utter the word Spanish to Cheeky he will talk in length (in English I must add) about how he can speak in Spanish and somewhere along the line you are bound to hear the word "Mayo". Then you know you have encountered the lengths of his knowledge in Spanish. At school they made the mistake of teaching Cheeky the months in Spanish.. and ever since we hear the months all consistently pronounced wrongly at least once a day with the declaration that "I can speak Spanish, you know May in Spanish is Mayo"

Lets now move on to French... I learnt french for a couple of years in school. Let alone the Frenchmen, if a person learning french .. be it Rosetta stone or Alliance francais hears me they would be prompted to either
a. Hang themselves
b. Push me off the edge of a cliff!
For the records, I would prefer the former!
Anyway, back to French; M was planning a trip to Cannes, France a few months back. Having gathered that many people around there don't speak English, I (and all of my linguistically challenged self) took it upon myself to teach M french! So I would translate everything into french for a while. It was a good thing that M ended up not going, for if he had gone, he and his french would have been packed off back to the land of the confused accents (America!!) on the next flight! However as a result of all my toils, Cheeky now claims he knows French.. Ask him to talk and he will reply "Merci" - Thank you!

As for Russian. Cheeky had a friend in school whose parents were natives of Russia. Even though the mom (don't know about the dad) hasn't lived in Russia for many years, I gather she speaks Russian at home. I am not sure if this prompted Cheeky, or just that Russia is a mysteriously charming place for him.. he asked his aunt to "Google up I love you in Russian" ever since he has been telling us every once in a while "Ya tabeya liyo bleu".. whether that's Russian or not.. that's his idea of Russian and as of now (till we prompt a Russian to push us off the cliff) mine too..!

Hindi... when Cheeky was a kid I would turn on some Hindi movies and Cheeky would go stomping mad "mommy make them stop that olaral" (gibberish) he would plead! Since then he has become a lot more accommodating even if his knowledge of Hindi has not improved in the least. And I prefer to keep it that way, we do need some mode of un-cheeky-telligible communication between us adults right? We have progressed from Tamil, to English, to Spelling words to now Hindi! And now I am at the risk of losing that too ... As you have gathered by now, Cheeky loves to talk and is always waiting for yet another person (stranger or otherwise) that he can talk to. So my cousin asked me what Cheeky did in Delhi and the other places we visited.. and I said "Oh he talked".. She looked at me surprised.. I must say that for a little person with such a meager vocabulary of Hindi (His Hindi vocabulary includes his favorite word Nahin - no and a few others Acha - ok, Haan- yes, Teek hein - ok), he managed to keep rambling pretty well.. oh and he also knows Mein and Tu (me and you). So his sentence would sound like this "Auto haan mein haan tu nahin photo teek hein?" And the result.. a picture of him sitting in the driver seat of the auto.. and the auto driver dude standing and looking cheerfully after having relinquished his throne!

Now to English and the accents.. this is something I am really having a tough time coping with. In an attempt to talk Indian English, the Cheeky Imp has been saying "Darive" and "Stareet", "Charuchu" - That's Church in case you are wondering and "tirubbbleu" - trouble! Although no one around him quite speaks in such a terrible accent (leave alone the fact that he mocks even(!!) my accent), Cheeky has taken it upon himself as he describes " to help people in India understand his English". If I correct him I am reprimanded "Amma if I talk in American accent no one will get it" Sigh! I just hope the terribbbleee-u accent-u is not herrre to stayyy!

With that note and the hope that my readership will improve with a Cheeky post.. signing off!
(images: http://www.building-blocks-nursery.co.uk, http://blogs.davenportlibrary.com, http://3.bp.blogspot.com, http://www.louielouie.net)

[EDITED TO ADD: I narrated the story of this post to M this afternoon as he resolutely refused to read my post and I incessantly kept pushing it down his ears.. Cheeky on hearing it declared.. "Amma its not 7 languages, its 6 languages and 2 accents". The exasperated look that accompanied this statement, said the rest! I promised him that I would add a "Edited to Add" section for which he replied "Why Amma, just press backspace and delete it!" Phew why do I never learn ?]

The perfect heels!

This blog is taking a break from regular programming to say this...

I have been catching up on fellow bloggers lately and I read so many of their honest, sweet posts filled with love and affection for their kids! And I wondered why I cant write like that.. And I decided I would do a post on all the wonderful things about Cheeky.. after all the only facet people know of him is the talkative, naughty little imp! Right? (Now if only I could remember them while he is jumping around me!) Anyway, as I was making up my mind, I read another blog and read a line about high heels there and my mind was unmade again! So now I will write to you an honest and sweet (oh well, I will attempt to make this as sweet as possible with mentions of chocolates and jelabis.. what say?) as possible!

As I was growing up, I was always among the tallest in my class. While Cheeky is so proud about being tall, and dreams of being taller than Daddy some day.. I was not so thirlled about being tall. I wanted to be petite and small built. I wanted to be cute and chubby too.. Instead I was reed thin and tall.. This would haunt me through my teen years, although I am not one that can be easily haunted! So while I bore my tall thin looks with a cheshire cat grin and a cheeky spirit, I continued to fret about it! (I hated looking down on people you see!)

Even when Meenakshi Sheshadri (I am not kidding you, I went to her house once with a friend who was in a dance program with her), commented on my model like height and posture (haha, I know that is way too funny.. to write an honest post about). Well to be honest, even though she commented about that she followed it up with a request for a massage! As you can imagine she was rebuffed and my friend got an earful for taking me to places with all these "I am the queen of the world" types! So anyway, I brushed that comment off with a flick off my shoulder.. however the chip remained!

So when my mom introduced me (via email, hadn't met him yet) to this guy all of 6'2", I thought he would be just a wee bit taller than me. For while I was 5'5" in reality, in my mind I was well over 6 ft. And then reality struck.. I was found running around days before my wedding hunting for the perfect heels.. I had worn flat shoes till then and had no clue how to walk in a stilleto.. so I needed heels that were not stilletos but big enough so I did not look funny standing next to this tall creature! The tall creature who still mocks me about our engagement photos. Let alone the fact that I was looking really weird with the funny hairdo done by relatives (punished for not booking a parlor.. my hair was an experimental piece for all relatives and ended up looking just awful!). Besides that I was standing there shoeless, while the tall dude stood next to me sneakers and all looking taller than ever!

At the wedding reception I finally managed to get some heels and still ended up looking short. And ever since my quest has been to find the perfect heels that will make me look at least a wee bit taller! My dream has finally been answered now and I feel so short all the time.. not to mention with all the love handles .. now I am (way too) chubby too (but we will leave that tale for another day, or we will just stove that story in the closet shall we?) but whoever said that the other side of the grass is green has to be crazy.. I want to feel tall again.. boohoo!! (Images: http://www.carthage.ed, http://webpages.scu.edu, https://www.btowstore.com)

(I will soon be back to complete my long winding, boring, pictersque travel posts)

M and the laddle!

VJ tagged me (of all people) to write about M (M the Hubby dearest for the unintiated) ... If I could really get sentimental ... I would probably wax long about how much he means to me or how much I owe him for putting up with my scatter brained self! But I probably couldn't keep a straight face while I wrote such stories.. for if this is true, then the reverse is the harder truth (my putting up with him of course!!)... so in the true spirit of this blog let me tell you a story..

About The Man and the ladle!
I had heard stories about how in the "Bachelor days" in a remote corner of Arizona 2 roomies would make a mean rasam and aloo fry sabji and actually have lunch from home everyday! And I chose to believe this tale! So when after boring each other to death with emails, one of which relegated the tale of this culinary hero making Payasam (Kheer, a milky relish) on his birthday! We finally met each other.. and I (so naively) asked about his culinary proficiency and decided from the stories I would never have to learn the elusive art of cooking! The first few months were actually close(r) to what should have been reality.. while the self proclaimed Chef did not cook everyday.. he did party catering and provided tips and advice... and I held that stupid sweet smile of the new bride in denial!!
But on this day 7 years later I have decided to finally bury that feminism hatchet, heave a big sigh of despair and declare that the man and the ladle don't go hand in hand.. and the Culinary hero of the yester years and his tallest tales remain a distant dream! Maybe for this vacation I could pack this man and his ladle to a culinary camp!! What say? (Images courtesy: http://www.cksinfo.com/cartoons/miscellaneous/education/index.html, http://www.reverendfun.com/?date=20000724)

Keeping it real!
As many of you know it is very hard for me to write sentimental tales.. when my friends would narrate stories of sentimental trysts with boy friends/ finaces/ husbands.. I would supress an involuntary laugh and wonder if that would ever change.. Maybe when I got engaged I would sprout two angelic wings and a angelic halo and start cooing and blushing!! But unfortunately.. I waited and waited and the change never came.. I remained the tom boy that I always have been!! But then M takes it a step further.. if you think I am funny (alright I am fishing for compliments now.. come come on.. do your bloggerly duty and pour them in) , you should see him!! Between us we have never been able to hold a serious conversation for more than a few minutes... but then life has been all about laughter and fun!! Having said that I am gifted with the guy who keeps me real and doesnt take me too seriously.. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I wonder!! With that note I am on the verge of losing my edge and actually those wings seem to be sprouting.. hush hush Preethi.. get a grip!!

Cheeky.. the true story!
While M's family choses to think that I am the one Cheeky gets his bratiness from and my family rushes in to confirm (what an ungrateful family I have.. after all that I have done for them!!.. As if being born in this family and gracing them with my presence was not enough...) Anyway, having said that, the true story behind His Cheekiness is the Papa bear with the innocent face lurking in the picture.. while it appears to the rest of the world that it is this silly momma who does all the talking and has the claim to blame for the Cheekiness.. today let us set the records straight and let them show that it is the Cheeky dad to blame!

The Blog Patron!
I work hard to write this blog.. that I borrow from the stories of my life.. and go on to add spice to reality.. not to mention chronicle the life and talks of our joint venture.. The Cheeky Brat; is immaterial! There is a lurker here who comes to see what else I have blabbed about.. and who seems to take pride in my writing and tell the rest of the world about my blog!! But I have this inkling of doubt.. are you trying to tell them "Look what I have to live with?" that is the question!!

Considering...
I actually seem to have run out of sarcasm.. I need to check with magnifying lens.. is that a halo over your head? Is it possible or have the 7 years of blissful ignorance dulled my otherwise razor sharp perception? Or have I sprouted 'em wings?! (image courtesy: http://images.clipartof.com)

As I don my wings...

We are now officially in the land of the wet bathrooms (gasp!! there is one little irate 4 yr old who is so annoyed and goes around policing/ educating his aunt on how to keep the bathroom dry... aah the worries we have!). Why officially you ask? Because the days of the jet lag (zombie-land) are finally over.. and we have learnt to deal with the rivulets of sweat with a nonchalant dab and the flies and mossies with a casual (almost absentminded) swish of the hand.. However this land has its own surprises for the (not so) little Cheeky... the lizards for one.. for some reason he thinks they are stationary, and wants to show them off looking sneakingly in their hiding place ..behind the couch. But (surprise) they are gone!!

So how was the long trip some might ask (I would have added home, but for now I am so confused on where home is.. sometimes referring to India as my home and sometimes to my actual home in Charlotte.. that I am ready to reserve judgment for now!!). Its no longer a shock/ surprise .. my trip! It is just my very matter of fact expectation that my every trans-Atlantic, across the world trip would be adventurous and exciting! But shouldn't I actually feel frustrated or worried or something? Instead I had an our of the body experience where I looked at myself as I levitated above (who am I? really?)... and I actually had the audacity to laugh!! Just think about it.. once is a mishap, twice is a freak coincidence.. but thrice? Are you kidding me? You would think I would freak out and go berserk.. but not me, I sat stoically and experienced the moment that brought me closer to my God (remember his comic relief?) .. also look at the bright side, I have yet another story to tell!! So the day dawned perfect in Charlotte, contrary to my expectation there were no thunder storms or other freak weather conditions, nor did the alarm malfunction. I actually got to the airport well ahead of time .. the check in happened without mishap, no messed up tickets this time! The line at the security check in was short and my flight was on time too! Except for the case of the breakfast that tasted like sand paper and lumps.. (to those of you who want to know.. it was toast and eggs from SBARRO.. but the eggs were like nothing I have ever tasted.. there were lumps of dry yellow tasteless thing.. wonder what it was!). Anyway, so far so good.. and now I was worried! Whats it going to be this time? The anticipation was killing me...

But I did not have long to wait.. the flight landed a good 45 minutes early at New york (or New york, New york like Cheeky likes to call it.. how fascinating!). This was when I had my deja vu... I had to change terminals to take my next flight.. and my flight was hours and hours away... so I wondered if I should just hang in there and experience the terminal 7.. which was bustling and had some cool fun things to do (read foot massage and shopping options!). But then that niggling in my brain was put to rest by a quenching need for a tryst with fate.. so I left the airport took the air train and went to the international terminal.

And there I was no boarding pass, closed airline counters, a couple of benches and all the fun stuff to do beyond a security checkpoint (that needed a boarding pass to cross)! A few minutes and a bag of Cheetos later.. Cheeky joined the list. with his incessant questions.. Mommy when will we go in? Mommy when will we go to Chennai? Mommy when will we get on the plane? and the list as you can imagine just wouldn't end!! A few hours later, a tired mommy, a frustrated Cheeky, two hungry tummies and two darned boarding passes crossed the security checkpoint.. and off to the food court.. but of course, Cheeky and mommy wouldn't eat the same thing, or even at the same restaurant ( don't you think gourmet, I am just making fast junk food sound like it was served on a silver platter in a 5 star restaurant!). Anyway, with bags in tow, food bags to carry, not to mention a tray that fit next to nothing and 2 drinks, the credit card was stowed into the pant's pocket and all but forgotten! A hurried lunch and a pouted lip (how dare Mc D give the little dreamer a squirrel toy of all things.. we were anticipating the ice age toys and wanted a mammoth or a saber tooth cat, or a dinosaur.. hell we would have settled for a sloth too.. but Scrat the squirrel? you got to be kidding me.. the pout said!)

Later the Cheeky imp was hurried out of one store after another while the mom and imp took the long hike to the gate. Mommy went to the phone banks to call Daddy and complain and whisked out her credit card, only to find it gone.. a hurried run back to the food court an irate Cheeky in tow, revealed the adventure had not just begun it was in full swing!! But I know better than to be worried, I used CC 2, called M and declared "just cancel my Visa card.. ".. as simple as that? yeah ... who are we kidding.. we knew this would happen right? A coloring book and a very expensive toy watch later (let the records show that the watch was subsequently broken on the flight)... Cheeky was convinced to let the Mc D people rest assured that there will be no small claims court that would subpoena them!

While on the phone yet again to M to make sure that the CC had been canceled, some rain droplets were observed, discussed and pushed away with a stylish flick of the wrist (as if!).. but those very droplets would come back to haunt us.. We boarded the international flight, and found our very uncomfortable seats and had a huge discussion of when we should sleep.. while mommy reconciled herself to the fact that it would still be a while the PA spoke up "There is a long queue of flights to take off, this might be a while, there is a lot of chaos because of the thunderstorm" What thunderstorm, that light drizzle you mean? I swear I looked up at the sky and I could see a smile! While I quickly fed Cheeky his dinner but refused to take off his shoes for I was getting ready to disembark and go spend the night in a hotel in New york, when they eventually announce that the flight was canceled, the flight actually took off a good 3 hrs later by which time the imp was well fed and fast asleep. Dinner and a movie later, I closed my eyes to get a shut eye when I heard the little voice "mommy time to get up.. lets play now!" and a few seconds later two little fingers pried my eyes open and a little face pushed up close!! I gave in to the inevitable.. a sleepless 19 hr flight!

Kids and travel never go hand in hand.. kids traveling for long.. tired and hungry will drive any parent crazy, let alone a inept super mom like me! When faced with that, laughter is the best medicine.. and when that doesn't work, there is always Prozac!

The rest as they say is history.. we did get to Chennai not too worse for wear, and only a few hours delayed while my dad paced the outside of the airport worried sick, and the airline information system read that the flight was on time!! But now we are here and you better get yourself geared up for stories about eewie play areas (read the bouncing castle at Planet yum, Besant nagar which we visited last night.. while a friend's 3 yr old squeezed among the dozens of kids wying for a spot on the bouncy slide, my 4.5 yr old declared "I am not going there"..while other kids jumped up and down amongst the plastic balls.. my kid declared "eew.. dirty" and quickly put on his shoes again") and scary bugs (read lizards and house flies), not to mention the wet bathrooms! All this from a guy who loves sticky hands and seems to have a consistently gooey face!!

Chicken Monkey Shoes

I was randomly whiling away time while I sat rooted to my PC. Looking to the rest of the world like I had something important to do. The glasses perched precariously on my nose and the slight crinkle on my forehead, not to mention the grim faced mouth and the straight back completed the picture! As I checked my emails (yeah I have not 1, not 2 but 3 email accounts.. the rest I am not revealing), checked face book and orkut again for the non existent messages. Do these people know I exist? When all the status messages scream for attention and no one bothers to respond, you are in big trouble! Maybe I should say I am hanging off a cliff and see if people care to respond to that?

Anyway, so there is not much to do on the social networking sites if your 164 + 87 (account for some repeats) and counting friends do not respond to your desperate call for attention. And I am so tired of playing all the word games that FB (aah I am learning the lingo...) has to offer! So I decided to read my blog yet again. I installed the Feedjit live traffic feed and look red faced when it keeps popping up Charlotte NC for every other entry!! But if I don't go back and read my blog (at least 20 times a day) then who else would right? So I unabashedly was back again reading the old entries.

For those of you who read me know that very I can be found often on the periphery of sanity.. what with my overactive imagination and a God who (I am often found asking "Are you mocking me?" ) uses me for comic relief! I might have mentioned it in the past, but if I haven't here are a few samples!

I was the chosen one.. I cut my tendon on a regular kitchen knife which every woman (and the occasional man.. I mention that so I am not accused of being chauvinist.. but if you are married and live in the real world, you sure have a touch with reality.. anyway that is the topic for another day) across the world uses everyday. While many of you would recognize this as yet another testimony to my culinary expertise, I was merely surprised (or like M would put it I had the audacity to be "surprised" after cutting my left thumb inches deep). Anyway, the point of this story is I was the one the big Almighty chose to bestow this blessing on. And the icing on the cake, M was having (or at least pretending very convincingly to have) a crisis at work which took him away at 6 AM only to return at 11 PM.. maybe he was just avoiding his "disabled" wife? I will never know. (just wait till he comes home tonight.. something is about to explode... and that something may be my head!) But there was cherry on the icing too a 1.5 yr old toddler who had to stop to talk to every moving thing on the road be it a human or a dog or a car! And every stranger was updated on my entire life history starting from my already forgotten profession to my butter fingers accident! And I must mention that all this transpired when he hardly knew a word of English. Where was I? In the background of course trying to renounce all knowledge of this little imp who was aiming to make me squirm, looking on helplessly with blue casing wrapped hand "Slightly raised above chest level"!

And then there was the time when I decided to take the toddler half way across the world, I reached half point of my journey and promptly got stranded.. and the airline clerk when I reached him through the "lines are busy" message had the audacity to tell me a mother no less that I would have to remain stranded for 3 days and explore London. If this had come at me a couple of years before, I would have said oh well what the heck and toured London.. but I was not willing to do that toddler in tow! No even I am not that brave (I can hear the sniggers at the "even I".. I will choose to ignore that!). The airline clerk and the rest of his colleagues had to face the wrath of the stranded mother when she walked in demanding she be let out of their beautiful city. They packed her and the talkative toddler on the next flight out, let alone the fact that it was not going to their destination country. Who cares, as long as the lady was out of sight they were safe...

And then there was the time I decided to do the journey in reverse this time with a 3 year old. Billions of travelers, millions of travel agents and I had to be the chosen one again. My competent travel agent messed up the tickets so that Cheeky had 2 tickets (while I can understand the reasoning behind that.. after all imps have to jump from one seat to another you see) and I had none. And when did I have to find out, already miles away from home, 30 minutes before boarding the international flight at the check in counter OF COURSE! And wait there is the icing of course.. and that is a backpack of toys the only possessions in hand, light summer clothes on us, the wind swirling up the snow outside and the clock strikes "MIDNIGHT"!

And what was my friend GOD doing on all these different occasions? Laughing I am sure.. remember I told you I was his comic relief? This is not Blasphemy.. the God and I have a good thing going.. he toys with me and I call him out!! Where is your sense of humor?

Anyway... I can see you going.. "Will you get to it already?" yeah I know I have a tendency to run off with my words.. So back to why I have bored you with my long narration. If you remember I was talking about my attempt to while away time. And how that led me to blogger , only this time instead of reading my old posts as always, I popped into my profile and asked blogger to give me a question that I could answer. While many bloggers get decent questions like

"What spells can you cast on a magic marker?"

or

"Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp, what does it say?"

or even

"Never mind the turtle, don't you think you are sure to win?"

But when I requested a question I had to get "Chicken Monkey Shoes", and its not even a real sentence! And oh just wait.. here comes the icing.. I am supposed to write the answer in just 400 words.. Chicken Monkey Shoes indeed! Needless to say my blogger profile still appears question-less! I am sure you wil now agree with me when I say... I AM COMIC RELIEF to a guy up there for sure! But my mission has been accomplished, I have spent a good part of my morning typing up this rant looking for the rest of the world like I am rapidly racing against a deadline! HAHAHA! (that was my sinister last laugh)