Thursday, June 25, 2009

Party time!!

Prats tagged me on FB a few days back and in true scatter brained fashion I forgot all about it. She now is following up and making sure that I keep my word. Aah.. talk about a task master! And what does she want me to do.. write any 5 things about myself. Haa that's easy -
1. I am Preethi - See my profile if you don't believe me that's what it says!
2. I am a scatterbrain who is still figuring out what to do when she grows up, besides pondering the nuances of everyday life!
3. I am in possession of the most greasy butter fingers
4. My life is ruled by a little imp called Cheeky who rules the roost and this blog
5. I am God's idea of a comic relief!
(img courtesy: http://www.whataboutclients.com)

Prats I am sure after reading this you are ready hand on hip and belan (roll pin) in hand to plonk on my head. I am going to wait till the crimson wave passes to come by your vicinity {grin}. Having said that I must say my life is pretty much a Hodge Podge of crazy events like you would see in all the links I have posted here. If you think this is my way of making you read more of my posts, you are absolutely right!

This past weekend was proof enough for the craziness in my life. And its not just me, its all in the family. On Father's day we went to a huge work party (M's of course, no one is willing to give me a job.. I must be pretty scary with my incessant baby talk and all, but more on that later). The party was held in a park packed with lot of events for all ages and genders. While the children had a drawing competition the adults had to do more, they had to take part in a tug of war. But first the drawing competition. Cheeky had been told about this on the drive to the party.. and he pondered for a while on what would be the perfect picture. As we got off the car and headed to the shelter where the party seemed to be missing (We actually turned up on time.. who does that? we have to be the most boring people right? And that too on a Sunday morning.. yawn!). Anyway as we approached the handful of people who seemed to be saving us the embarrassment of being the absolute first (turns out they were the organizers... so we were the first guests after all.. at the very least we should have had a big gift to show for that.. but I suppose it doesn't pay to be "those freaks who got here on time"!). I have digressed so much now, that I have actually forgotten (as I am sure so have you ) what I was going to say!

So let me trace back and start at the beginning.. we told Cheeky about the drawing competition and Cheeky sat pondering on what he could draw. I was determined not to offer advice like I was itching too...so I tampered down that inherent competitiveness and said "You draw whatever you want to". To which Cheeky replied "I know, I will draw bubbles"... so we trotted off all set to see a paper full of circles! However good sense prevailed amongst the organizers and they actually had a topic for the kids to draw based on. More on the inherent competitiveness, scores of parents sat next to their kids pushing, prodding,helping and actually drawing for them while I abandoned Cheeky and went off to lose the tug of war (so much for trying to walk off with the mommy award.. but then who's to know?) ! And when Cheeky got the third place I sent him off all alone to receive the award while I sat and polished off my lunch. The other kids of course had parents accompany them and get the award! So while the other kids got their gift and walked off stage, Cheeky stood there posing for pictures! He topped the act too.. He unrolled his painting and held it up for the camera to see so there could be a clear picture of the proud beaming cheeky and his winning drawing! So much for my parenting.. my only defense is I am trying to make him independent. That part was very evident when Cheeky actually went around introducing himself to all parents with kids and asking them their kids names and ages! Not to mention when one of the organizers had the audacity to announce "Please don't leave the water bottles lying around throw them in the trash can", Cheeky had to intervene and say "Don't you mean recycle bin, if you throw it in the trash can it will remain for tens of thousands of years on the ground!" Phew.. they got a taste what I have to live with!

While Cheeky was cementing his claim to fame with his work of art, M was flexing muscles and pulling at the rope while he dragged entire teams down to dust! Well he and his well picked team! Then M belted out a nursery rhyme for father's day.. yes you read that right M and not Cheeky! While the other father's were being shy and timid.. M sang "Baa baa black sheep" like it was a rock rendition with clapping hands and tapping feet, and actually won the first place for that! Look at what I am surrounded by? Do you blame me for blogging? After all I need a vent for belonging to this revved up household don't I!

And just so you know.. my mid life crisis is back.. and if I survive you will hear about it soon!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Chicken Monkey Shoes

I was randomly whiling away time while I sat rooted to my PC. Looking to the rest of the world like I had something important to do. The glasses perched precariously on my nose and the slight crinkle on my forehead, not to mention the grim faced mouth and the straight back completed the picture! As I checked my emails (yeah I have not 1, not 2 but 3 email accounts.. the rest I am not revealing), checked face book and orkut again for the non existent messages. Do these people know I exist? When all the status messages scream for attention and no one bothers to respond, you are in big trouble! Maybe I should say I am hanging off a cliff and see if people care to respond to that?

Anyway, so there is not much to do on the social networking sites if your 164 + 87 (account for some repeats) and counting friends do not respond to your desperate call for attention. And I am so tired of playing all the word games that FB (aah I am learning the lingo...) has to offer! So I decided to read my blog yet again. I installed the Feedjit live traffic feed and look red faced when it keeps popping up Charlotte NC for every other entry!! But if I don't go back and read my blog (at least 20 times a day) then who else would right? So I unabashedly was back again reading the old entries.

For those of you who read me know that very I can be found often on the periphery of sanity.. what with my overactive imagination and a God who (I am often found asking "Are you mocking me?" ) uses me for comic relief! I might have mentioned it in the past, but if I haven't here are a few samples!

I was the chosen one.. I cut my tendon on a regular kitchen knife which every woman (and the occasional man.. I mention that so I am not accused of being chauvinist.. but if you are married and live in the real world, you sure have a touch with reality.. anyway that is the topic for another day) across the world uses everyday. While many of you would recognize this as yet another testimony to my culinary expertise, I was merely surprised (or like M would put it I had the audacity to be "surprised" after cutting my left thumb inches deep). Anyway, the point of this story is I was the one the big Almighty chose to bestow this blessing on. And the icing on the cake, M was having (or at least pretending very convincingly to have) a crisis at work which took him away at 6 AM only to return at 11 PM.. maybe he was just avoiding his "disabled" wife? I will never know. (just wait till he comes home tonight.. something is about to explode... and that something may be my head!) But there was cherry on the icing too a 1.5 yr old toddler who had to stop to talk to every moving thing on the road be it a human or a dog or a car! And every stranger was updated on my entire life history starting from my already forgotten profession to my butter fingers accident! And I must mention that all this transpired when he hardly knew a word of English. Where was I? In the background of course trying to renounce all knowledge of this little imp who was aiming to make me squirm, looking on helplessly with blue casing wrapped hand "Slightly raised above chest level"!

And then there was the time when I decided to take the toddler half way across the world, I reached half point of my journey and promptly got stranded.. and the airline clerk when I reached him through the "lines are busy" message had the audacity to tell me a mother no less that I would have to remain stranded for 3 days and explore London. If this had come at me a couple of years before, I would have said oh well what the heck and toured London.. but I was not willing to do that toddler in tow! No even I am not that brave (I can hear the sniggers at the "even I".. I will choose to ignore that!). The airline clerk and the rest of his colleagues had to face the wrath of the stranded mother when she walked in demanding she be let out of their beautiful city. They packed her and the talkative toddler on the next flight out, let alone the fact that it was not going to their destination country. Who cares, as long as the lady was out of sight they were safe...

And then there was the time I decided to do the journey in reverse this time with a 3 year old. Billions of travelers, millions of travel agents and I had to be the chosen one again. My competent travel agent messed up the tickets so that Cheeky had 2 tickets (while I can understand the reasoning behind that.. after all imps have to jump from one seat to another you see) and I had none. And when did I have to find out, already miles away from home, 30 minutes before boarding the international flight at the check in counter OF COURSE! And wait there is the icing of course.. and that is a backpack of toys the only possessions in hand, light summer clothes on us, the wind swirling up the snow outside and the clock strikes "MIDNIGHT"!

And what was my friend GOD doing on all these different occasions? Laughing I am sure.. remember I told you I was his comic relief? This is not Blasphemy.. the God and I have a good thing going.. he toys with me and I call him out!! Where is your sense of humor?

Anyway... I can see you going.. "Will you get to it already?" yeah I know I have a tendency to run off with my words.. So back to why I have bored you with my long narration. If you remember I was talking about my attempt to while away time. And how that led me to blogger , only this time instead of reading my old posts as always, I popped into my profile and asked blogger to give me a question that I could answer. While many bloggers get decent questions like

"What spells can you cast on a magic marker?"

or

"Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp, what does it say?"

or even

"Never mind the turtle, don't you think you are sure to win?"

But when I requested a question I had to get "Chicken Monkey Shoes", and its not even a real sentence! And oh just wait.. here comes the icing.. I am supposed to write the answer in just 400 words.. Chicken Monkey Shoes indeed! Needless to say my blogger profile still appears question-less! I am sure you wil now agree with me when I say... I AM COMIC RELIEF to a guy up there for sure! But my mission has been accomplished, I have spent a good part of my morning typing up this rant looking for the rest of the world like I am rapidly racing against a deadline! HAHAHA! (that was my sinister last laugh)

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hijacked!

The word hijacked has taken a new and more personal meaning today. I will not say that I have not seen the signs of the coming era.. just that I did not expect it so soon. A couple of years back, I would drag a toddler down to the local library. While other kids tapped on the mouse and keyboard this one would look on with avid interest. The minute he found an empty spot he would toddle up to the chair, pull himself up and rapidly proceed to strike on the keys of the keyboard humming to himself for lack of anything to do.

However the computer at home was still off limits! Then I succumbed and bought him one of those toddler laptops.. but after a few half hearted attempts at playing with it that was relegated to a quiet corner, only to be brought out for pretend play. The little computer engineer brings it out to type status reports for his boss!!

Friends however were plotting to destroy this peace in my household. They got him a computer game last year.. but again mommy has managed to lose that in the move. Not that the game was a regular thing.. it was more like a special treat. However despite these precautions the results have been imminent.

The fact that I am yet to listen to a single song of my choice in my IPod must have meant something. The fact that I am yet to sit undisturbed in my couch or sleep un-kicked for one night must have warned me.. but the slow poke that I am I failed to notice the signs...

The little imp is now a rookie reader and in my enthusiasm to encourage the reading, I might have let the grip slip.... What grip you ask? the grip on my life line the computer.. and now I have competition! I have a 4 year old who has an email ID and has email conversations with his aunts and grand dads. I have a 4 year old who can get on skype and make video calls, who can turn on the chat window and type things to them. He can get on yahoo messenger and doodle and was found experimenting with audibles and emoticons last evening.

This afternoon DH asked Cheeky "Whats your email ID"
He not only rattled it off "cheeky.nantu@gmail.com" but then went on to say "I need to go on orkut". (for those of you who haven't heard of it, its google's version of facebook - social networking!!)
DH was shocked.. "You have an orkut account?"
My eyes were falling off my head..
Cheeky "Yeah .. I like to click on the photos and check all the pictures"
No he doesn't have an orkut account and I intend locking up my computer in a safe safe place till he turns 18. Just tell me please what happened to my blissful little toddler who was content to be swinging off furniture? For all you know Cheeky might start blogging soon!

Monday, June 8, 2009

The votes are in...

Summer is here and so is the season of bathing suits. With that comes the sudden urge to lose weight. I have tried to find an easy way... I tried green tea and benefiber. I tried sweet n low and brown rice. I tried the waist belt and the tummy trimmers. Anything that would do the work for me.. but I haven't had the chance to verify their real capability .. for on the side I also gorged on the muffins and doughnuts, the ice creams and chocolates, the samosas and fries. Not to mention a sedentary life style of adorning the couch!

Not that I ever intend wearing a bathing suit.. yikes who wants to swim really? (the case of the sour grapes?) But still I would give anything for some killer abs... except maybe give it some pain! Like I say if you need me to choose between the fat and the pain, I choose the fat of course! For who would have a sore tummy all the time from all the crunches, or hurting muscles from all the running. If anything can be solved from a stroll down the treadmill, count me in!!

For years I was the thin one.. and I looked like I had been rescued from a famine stricken land.. then America happened and with that arrived a plump Preethi. Following that Cheeky happened, and with that whatever else remained of the thin mirage disappeared! Since then I have been the butt of every heavy weight joke in my never forgiving family! I have threatened with force and tears each equally powerful weapons but they are undettered!

Finally I decided to take action and stopped eating out.. while M and Cheeky seemed to evaporate in front of my eyes, I seemed to be inhaling all the weight they were losing and only seemed to get worse. That this was a testament to my culinary skills is no doubt, but lets leave that discussion to another day!

At the end of the day here are the tallies
Weight Lost - nada, zilch
Weight gained - ahem ahem.. lets just say that is a secret
The pleasure of eating what you want and doing what you do best - lie around - PRICELESS!

I have a new excuse now.. settling down in the new house.. never mind that our friends put everything in place and all the boxes and bags have now gone missing, and the place has a semblance of a home. I still have the audacity to claim that all the settling in chores are keeping me from the gym! And with that note.. let me go try that new flavor of ice cream... slurp! slurp!