Diaries of a sleep deprived mom!

There was an era ages ago when I could go to sleep and stay asleep through the night.. undisturbed, unruffled, unpushed and my comforter stayed on me till I chose to toss it in the morning.. the day is long gone! My sleepless nights began when I decided to have a kid.. I struggled with insomnia through my pregnancy while I pushed M to the limits as well.. when I turned the air conditioning to dangerously low temperatures and he wore layered clothes and stayed wrapped in blankets in the heat of good old Chennai! Still I found it too warm to sleep.. and kept loitering about the house mumbling to myself and the little thing playing football in my tummy! "How many times do I have to tell you.. that is not a football field.. now do you mind coming out just yet?" No wonder men hold babies like they would a football (I mean American football.. God forbid they started holding it like Indian football aka soccer!)

But I soon found out that the bundle of joy meant more sleepless nights.. only now I wanted to sleep! So I tried to tackle hunger and the loud wails in my sleep .. as a result many a days the water ended up in the box of formula and the box needed to be thrown out the next morning! Finally M started mixing the formula just so he could save some money! I weaned the imp off the night bottle as early as I possibly could.. without seeming inhumane and un-motherly (after all the Indian mothers and grand mom's already eyed me with barely concealed disgust at my mothering skills/ debacles). Anyway, once the imp was weaned I was so ready to have my sleep back.. only he wanted to wake up every time he wet his diaper.. wailing loudly in disgust and anger! At a little over 1, he decided he no longer liked his crib and our nights were intercepted with wailing and crying trips to our bed and back.. till we finally gave up and exiled the crib for good! But that did not solve our sleep deprivation! For even tiny feet can hurt when they kick you in the rib incessantly.. and the tiny hands can haul off the comforter on a cold night!

The toddler bed arrived. There were nights when we would hear loud screams because the blanket had been kicked off and a furious little thing yelled because he was cold! Or one of the dozen stuffed toys in the bed had gone missing.. I would be frantically hunting for a minuscule toy in the dark of the night! 4 years later, you would think I can finally sleep through the night!

But no such luck... I am woken up because of many reasons...
Because someone realized he preferred Sheriff jatti (briefs) to King jatti.. so he wanted to return the Lightning McQueen jatti and get the Sheriff one instead! (Whaa??.. )
Because he decided he doesn't like mommy anymore.. and wants to know why she was being so mean to him in his dream? (Maybe because she hasn't slept in 4 years?)
Because there is no room in his bed! (But we would never consider hauling less than a dozen stuffed toys to our bed would we? Now they have taken over!)
Because there is a cold spot in the comforter!
Because someone no longer likes the much craved for car toddler bed anymore! "I want a bunk bed instead"
Because we wanted GM cereal boxes to have Madagascar toys, but they are no longer available!
Because Mc D stopped giving out Kungfu panda toys!

and the list goes on..

And then there is the crawling into Mommy's bed because of these various reasons... and whispering loudly in her ears.. and if she manages to turn around.. kneeing her in the back! And then when he has finally been successful in kicking mom off the bed, he lets out a sigh and spreads himself.. eagle like and falls asleep! While mommy just has to get herself an extra strong cup of coffee and greet the bright day with her sore back!!
But this mommy has a plan.. tonight, she is going to slip out to the car and curl up in there! Maybe I will even drive to a remote corner and park.. no point in getting busted by the toddler is there?