Chicken Monkey Shoes

I was randomly whiling away time while I sat rooted to my PC. Looking to the rest of the world like I had something important to do. The glasses perched precariously on my nose and the slight crinkle on my forehead, not to mention the grim faced mouth and the straight back completed the picture! As I checked my emails (yeah I have not 1, not 2 but 3 email accounts.. the rest I am not revealing), checked face book and orkut again for the non existent messages. Do these people know I exist? When all the status messages scream for attention and no one bothers to respond, you are in big trouble! Maybe I should say I am hanging off a cliff and see if people care to respond to that?

Anyway, so there is not much to do on the social networking sites if your 164 + 87 (account for some repeats) and counting friends do not respond to your desperate call for attention. And I am so tired of playing all the word games that FB (aah I am learning the lingo...) has to offer! So I decided to read my blog yet again. I installed the Feedjit live traffic feed and look red faced when it keeps popping up Charlotte NC for every other entry!! But if I don't go back and read my blog (at least 20 times a day) then who else would right? So I unabashedly was back again reading the old entries.

For those of you who read me know that very I can be found often on the periphery of sanity.. what with my overactive imagination and a God who (I am often found asking "Are you mocking me?" ) uses me for comic relief! I might have mentioned it in the past, but if I haven't here are a few samples!

I was the chosen one.. I cut my tendon on a regular kitchen knife which every woman (and the occasional man.. I mention that so I am not accused of being chauvinist.. but if you are married and live in the real world, you sure have a touch with reality.. anyway that is the topic for another day) across the world uses everyday. While many of you would recognize this as yet another testimony to my culinary expertise, I was merely surprised (or like M would put it I had the audacity to be "surprised" after cutting my left thumb inches deep). Anyway, the point of this story is I was the one the big Almighty chose to bestow this blessing on. And the icing on the cake, M was having (or at least pretending very convincingly to have) a crisis at work which took him away at 6 AM only to return at 11 PM.. maybe he was just avoiding his "disabled" wife? I will never know. (just wait till he comes home tonight.. something is about to explode... and that something may be my head!) But there was cherry on the icing too a 1.5 yr old toddler who had to stop to talk to every moving thing on the road be it a human or a dog or a car! And every stranger was updated on my entire life history starting from my already forgotten profession to my butter fingers accident! And I must mention that all this transpired when he hardly knew a word of English. Where was I? In the background of course trying to renounce all knowledge of this little imp who was aiming to make me squirm, looking on helplessly with blue casing wrapped hand "Slightly raised above chest level"!

And then there was the time when I decided to take the toddler half way across the world, I reached half point of my journey and promptly got stranded.. and the airline clerk when I reached him through the "lines are busy" message had the audacity to tell me a mother no less that I would have to remain stranded for 3 days and explore London. If this had come at me a couple of years before, I would have said oh well what the heck and toured London.. but I was not willing to do that toddler in tow! No even I am not that brave (I can hear the sniggers at the "even I".. I will choose to ignore that!). The airline clerk and the rest of his colleagues had to face the wrath of the stranded mother when she walked in demanding she be let out of their beautiful city. They packed her and the talkative toddler on the next flight out, let alone the fact that it was not going to their destination country. Who cares, as long as the lady was out of sight they were safe...

And then there was the time I decided to do the journey in reverse this time with a 3 year old. Billions of travelers, millions of travel agents and I had to be the chosen one again. My competent travel agent messed up the tickets so that Cheeky had 2 tickets (while I can understand the reasoning behind that.. after all imps have to jump from one seat to another you see) and I had none. And when did I have to find out, already miles away from home, 30 minutes before boarding the international flight at the check in counter OF COURSE! And wait there is the icing of course.. and that is a backpack of toys the only possessions in hand, light summer clothes on us, the wind swirling up the snow outside and the clock strikes "MIDNIGHT"!

And what was my friend GOD doing on all these different occasions? Laughing I am sure.. remember I told you I was his comic relief? This is not Blasphemy.. the God and I have a good thing going.. he toys with me and I call him out!! Where is your sense of humor?

Anyway... I can see you going.. "Will you get to it already?" yeah I know I have a tendency to run off with my words.. So back to why I have bored you with my long narration. If you remember I was talking about my attempt to while away time. And how that led me to blogger , only this time instead of reading my old posts as always, I popped into my profile and asked blogger to give me a question that I could answer. While many bloggers get decent questions like

"What spells can you cast on a magic marker?"

or

"Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp, what does it say?"

or even

"Never mind the turtle, don't you think you are sure to win?"

But when I requested a question I had to get "Chicken Monkey Shoes", and its not even a real sentence! And oh just wait.. here comes the icing.. I am supposed to write the answer in just 400 words.. Chicken Monkey Shoes indeed! Needless to say my blogger profile still appears question-less! I am sure you wil now agree with me when I say... I AM COMIC RELIEF to a guy up there for sure! But my mission has been accomplished, I have spent a good part of my morning typing up this rant looking for the rest of the world like I am rapidly racing against a deadline! HAHAHA! (that was my sinister last laugh)