Chicken Monkey Shoes

I was randomly whiling away time while I sat rooted to my PC. Looking to the rest of the world like I had something important to do. The glasses perched precariously on my nose and the slight crinkle on my forehead, not to mention the grim faced mouth and the straight back completed the picture! As I checked my emails (yeah I have not 1, not 2 but 3 email accounts.. the rest I am not revealing), checked face book and orkut again for the non existent messages. Do these people know I exist? When all the status messages scream for attention and no one bothers to respond, you are in big trouble! Maybe I should say I am hanging off a cliff and see if people care to respond to that?

Anyway, so there is not much to do on the social networking sites if your 164 + 87 (account for some repeats) and counting friends do not respond to your desperate call for attention. And I am so tired of playing all the word games that FB (aah I am learning the lingo...) has to offer! So I decided to read my blog yet again. I installed the Feedjit live traffic feed and look red faced when it keeps popping up Charlotte NC for every other entry!! But if I don't go back and read my blog (at least 20 times a day) then who else would right? So I unabashedly was back again reading the old entries.

For those of you who read me know that very I can be found often on the periphery of sanity.. what with my overactive imagination and a God who (I am often found asking "Are you mocking me?" ) uses me for comic relief! I might have mentioned it in the past, but if I haven't here are a few samples!

I was the chosen one.. I cut my tendon on a regular kitchen knife which every woman (and the occasional man.. I mention that so I am not accused of being chauvinist.. but if you are married and live in the real world, you sure have a touch with reality.. anyway that is the topic for another day) across the world uses everyday. While many of you would recognize this as yet another testimony to my culinary expertise, I was merely surprised (or like M would put it I had the audacity to be "surprised" after cutting my left thumb inches deep). Anyway, the point of this story is I was the one the big Almighty chose to bestow this blessing on. And the icing on the cake, M was having (or at least pretending very convincingly to have) a crisis at work which took him away at 6 AM only to return at 11 PM.. maybe he was just avoiding his "disabled" wife? I will never know. (just wait till he comes home tonight.. something is about to explode... and that something may be my head!) But there was cherry on the icing too a 1.5 yr old toddler who had to stop to talk to every moving thing on the road be it a human or a dog or a car! And every stranger was updated on my entire life history starting from my already forgotten profession to my butter fingers accident! And I must mention that all this transpired when he hardly knew a word of English. Where was I? In the background of course trying to renounce all knowledge of this little imp who was aiming to make me squirm, looking on helplessly with blue casing wrapped hand "Slightly raised above chest level"!

And then there was the time when I decided to take the toddler half way across the world, I reached half point of my journey and promptly got stranded.. and the airline clerk when I reached him through the "lines are busy" message had the audacity to tell me a mother no less that I would have to remain stranded for 3 days and explore London. If this had come at me a couple of years before, I would have said oh well what the heck and toured London.. but I was not willing to do that toddler in tow! No even I am not that brave (I can hear the sniggers at the "even I".. I will choose to ignore that!). The airline clerk and the rest of his colleagues had to face the wrath of the stranded mother when she walked in demanding she be let out of their beautiful city. They packed her and the talkative toddler on the next flight out, let alone the fact that it was not going to their destination country. Who cares, as long as the lady was out of sight they were safe...

And then there was the time I decided to do the journey in reverse this time with a 3 year old. Billions of travelers, millions of travel agents and I had to be the chosen one again. My competent travel agent messed up the tickets so that Cheeky had 2 tickets (while I can understand the reasoning behind that.. after all imps have to jump from one seat to another you see) and I had none. And when did I have to find out, already miles away from home, 30 minutes before boarding the international flight at the check in counter OF COURSE! And wait there is the icing of course.. and that is a backpack of toys the only possessions in hand, light summer clothes on us, the wind swirling up the snow outside and the clock strikes "MIDNIGHT"!

And what was my friend GOD doing on all these different occasions? Laughing I am sure.. remember I told you I was his comic relief? This is not Blasphemy.. the God and I have a good thing going.. he toys with me and I call him out!! Where is your sense of humor?

Anyway... I can see you going.. "Will you get to it already?" yeah I know I have a tendency to run off with my words.. So back to why I have bored you with my long narration. If you remember I was talking about my attempt to while away time. And how that led me to blogger , only this time instead of reading my old posts as always, I popped into my profile and asked blogger to give me a question that I could answer. While many bloggers get decent questions like

"What spells can you cast on a magic marker?"

or

"Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp, what does it say?"

or even

"Never mind the turtle, don't you think you are sure to win?"

But when I requested a question I had to get "Chicken Monkey Shoes", and its not even a real sentence! And oh just wait.. here comes the icing.. I am supposed to write the answer in just 400 words.. Chicken Monkey Shoes indeed! Needless to say my blogger profile still appears question-less! I am sure you wil now agree with me when I say... I AM COMIC RELIEF to a guy up there for sure! But my mission has been accomplished, I have spent a good part of my morning typing up this rant looking for the rest of the world like I am rapidly racing against a deadline! HAHAHA! (that was my sinister last laugh)

Hijacked!

The word hijacked has taken a new and more personal meaning today. I will not say that I have not seen the signs of the coming era.. just that I did not expect it so soon. A couple of years back, I would drag a toddler down to the local library. While other kids tapped on the mouse and keyboard this one would look on with avid interest. The minute he found an empty spot he would toddle up to the chair, pull himself up and rapidly proceed to strike on the keys of the keyboard humming to himself for lack of anything to do.

However the computer at home was still off limits! Then I succumbed and bought him one of those toddler laptops.. but after a few half hearted attempts at playing with it that was relegated to a quiet corner, only to be brought out for pretend play. The little computer engineer brings it out to type status reports for his boss!!

Friends however were plotting to destroy this peace in my household. They got him a computer game last year.. but again mommy has managed to lose that in the move. Not that the game was a regular thing.. it was more like a special treat. However despite these precautions the results have been imminent.

The fact that I am yet to listen to a single song of my choice in my IPod must have meant something. The fact that I am yet to sit undisturbed in my couch or sleep un-kicked for one night must have warned me.. but the slow poke that I am I failed to notice the signs...

The little imp is now a rookie reader and in my enthusiasm to encourage the reading, I might have let the grip slip.... What grip you ask? the grip on my life line the computer.. and now I have competition! I have a 4 year old who has an email ID and has email conversations with his aunts and grand dads. I have a 4 year old who can get on skype and make video calls, who can turn on the chat window and type things to them. He can get on yahoo messenger and doodle and was found experimenting with audibles and emoticons last evening.

This afternoon DH asked Cheeky "Whats your email ID"
He not only rattled it off "cheeky.nantu@gmail.com" but then went on to say "I need to go on orkut". (for those of you who haven't heard of it, its google's version of facebook - social networking!!)
DH was shocked.. "You have an orkut account?"
My eyes were falling off my head..
Cheeky "Yeah .. I like to click on the photos and check all the pictures"
No he doesn't have an orkut account and I intend locking up my computer in a safe safe place till he turns 18. Just tell me please what happened to my blissful little toddler who was content to be swinging off furniture? For all you know Cheeky might start blogging soon!

The votes are in...

Summer is here and so is the season of bathing suits. With that comes the sudden urge to lose weight. I have tried to find an easy way... I tried green tea and benefiber. I tried sweet n low and brown rice. I tried the waist belt and the tummy trimmers. Anything that would do the work for me.. but I haven't had the chance to verify their real capability .. for on the side I also gorged on the muffins and doughnuts, the ice creams and chocolates, the samosas and fries. Not to mention a sedentary life style of adorning the couch!

Not that I ever intend wearing a bathing suit.. yikes who wants to swim really? (the case of the sour grapes?) But still I would give anything for some killer abs... except maybe give it some pain! Like I say if you need me to choose between the fat and the pain, I choose the fat of course! For who would have a sore tummy all the time from all the crunches, or hurting muscles from all the running. If anything can be solved from a stroll down the treadmill, count me in!!

For years I was the thin one.. and I looked like I had been rescued from a famine stricken land.. then America happened and with that arrived a plump Preethi. Following that Cheeky happened, and with that whatever else remained of the thin mirage disappeared! Since then I have been the butt of every heavy weight joke in my never forgiving family! I have threatened with force and tears each equally powerful weapons but they are undettered!

Finally I decided to take action and stopped eating out.. while M and Cheeky seemed to evaporate in front of my eyes, I seemed to be inhaling all the weight they were losing and only seemed to get worse. That this was a testament to my culinary skills is no doubt, but lets leave that discussion to another day!

At the end of the day here are the tallies
Weight Lost - nada, zilch
Weight gained - ahem ahem.. lets just say that is a secret
The pleasure of eating what you want and doing what you do best - lie around - PRICELESS!

I have a new excuse now.. settling down in the new house.. never mind that our friends put everything in place and all the boxes and bags have now gone missing, and the place has a semblance of a home. I still have the audacity to claim that all the settling in chores are keeping me from the gym! And with that note.. let me go try that new flavor of ice cream... slurp! slurp!

Here we go again!

Its that time of the year again. Call it a very late case of spring cleaning.. or the recurrence of restless feet! And when everyone thought that we were finally ready to settle down. Some of our all knowing friends have even been suggesting that we finally put down some roots and buy some real estate... "Where" I had to ask them.."in this city or the next?". Anyway the good news is we are not moving very far this time... just from one end of the town to the other! So technically I am not sure if this can be accounted for as a move move or just some minor displacement!!

So now I have a legitimate reason for the mess in the house (like I need it)... and am beginning to despair at the amount of crap I have accumulated.. and we have begun the debate yet again on whats best.. more square footage, or the drive to a dumpster.. but we know where that will lead.. the moment we de-clutter we just seem to be opening doors for more shopping, and more unwanted junk! Phew.. who will save us from ourselves?!!

We have nabbed a few of our unsuspecting friends to help us with the move.. now if only we can blindside them so they do not faint and fall on stepping foot in our house. My house is beginning to take the looks of a railway station boxes littered everywhere.. not that it was any better a few weeks back, but now that there are boxes I can claim that it is the move causing the mess.

Like I said many friends think this is the time to actually spawn some roots and buy a house! GASP!! What about my plans of moving to Europe in a couple of years.. and to China and then Australia four years hence!? Should we tell them and shock them? Is it not enough that M is often found shaking his head at being tied to this delusional woman? I am sure friends would only hurry to remind me ... of the fact that I am not single and footloose any more! Sigh!! Not to mention that little imp running in circles and getting into all the boxes! Boy am I really delusional.. I am not allowed to forget, after all sometimes being a mom seems to be my sole identity... The little imp is on summer break for good and throwing a spoke in the wheels by declaring that he just wont move and leave his friends behind!! Should I ask their parents if I can leave the imp behind?

It has finally dawned on the imp that there is that lady who keeps getting underfoot. That lady he can no longer forget all about when he steps into the fascinating realm called school. That lady he attempted to make amends with not too long ago in the recent past. After a whole year of ignoring her, he invited her to go on the "last field trip" with him. I do think this has something to do with the fact that he overheard the lady say the other day "If I can't manage to go with him, I just wont send him this time". This year has seen many field trips where different parents volunteer to accompany the class. The imp has been waltzing off with anyone that can take him. While his friends have been begging their respective parents to volunteer, the imp can't care any less! But now all of a sudden he cared "Mommy can you please go with me... this is the last field trip you know"! Even when mommy knew fully well what triggered this sudden affection, she tagged along. Only to be promptly ignored! While other kids needed their moms to get them snow cones and a turn on the swing, the imp just did it all by himself... Mommy did her share of duty at the tattoo booth which by the way the imp avoided! His friends got tattoos on their hands and face and every other part of the body they could pull off, the imp refused to acknowledge the tattoo booth! But now is the time for sweet revenge.. mommy can no longer be ignored and has to be depended on for any entertainment that is going to happen the next couple of months!!! Time for my sinister laugh "HAHAHA"!! Now its my turn mister!
[Edited to add: In response to Pavi's comment - No we did not buy a house... we need to put an end to our nomadic life style to do that.. and I can't see that happening ... can you?]

Being Mom....

Its been an eternity since I blogged.. I would love to say I have been busy.. however I still haven't gone and gotten a life, I still haven't lost any weight, I still haven't found any answers for Cheeky's endless questions and I still haven't dealt with the cobwebs in my head.

So what have I been doing? Lets paint a picture.. Its getting dark outside (its almost summer here... so its start getting dark at 8 pm).. the hubs returns home looking like he has actually done something all day (not played scramble and hangman all day on the comp.. ). I am lying on the couch watching some rerun or the other.. a bag of chips in hand.. He plonks on the recliner next to me... and says "Boy am I HUNGRY".. I offer the bag of chips.. and if he as much as moves to take it from my hand, I ask "Can I have it back?" and launch into how tired I am and how I have had a long day.. Th hubs looks around at the mess.. at the kid entertaining himself.. but knows better than to utter a word!

So there atleast I can be honest about it :) Moving on.. VJ tagged me ages ago to write about what I love about being a mom...Its taken me so long to come up with something... so here goes...

1. I love the fact that I am constantly reminded how old I am .. not just by my kid but other desi kids I happen to meet.. I am called "Aunty....." (I have tried teaching these kids that my name is not that.. it is Preethi.. but the moms give me glares or worse still constantly correct the kids!! uhuh!). Atleast Cheeky's friends from school call me Ms. Preethi and not "Aunty"!

2. I love the fact that I can never get a word edge ways.. The hubs and I have to stay up till past midnight to have a decent conversation. If we tell Cheeky that he has to wait for his turn, he jumps up in front of our faces waving his hand.. if we stop to ask him what he wants, heaven help us... it always starts with "Its my turn now..."

3. Every person we have ever met knows my age and worse still my weight.. these are the most publicised things in the whole world!!

4. I get to watch only G rated movies and even then I have to strain to hear a single word!!

5. I have a little head in my reader's digest reading words like hapless or valedictory and asking me "Mommy whats hapless?", "mommy whats ...."... and it never ends!

6. Not to mention I am expected to be a walking talking encyclopedia/ dictionary.. and when I am on that couch spending some time with my remote and a bag of chips I am asked to "Google it up"!

7. Even after 4.5 yrs I still have sleepless nights and am awakened by a kick in the middle of the back almost every night !!

8. I used to have an obsessive compulsive disorder of having a clean house.. I have since been cured.. now I have a pile of clothes in my bedroom, toys in the living room, books on my dining table, and crayons strewn just wear I can slip on them... and I dont bother picking them up anymore.. I have learnt my lesson!! They will just appear back there in a few seconds.. so why bother?

9. 4.5 yrs later I am not one pound lighter.. no amount of dieting or excercising will let me into the pre maternity clothes... which I still havent thrown away and look at wistfully every once in a while! phew!!

10. My idea of a fun outing is a trip to the playground or an inflatable play center!

Enough of the sarcasm eh? Now I am going to talk about something I really enjoy about being a mom.. the entertainment!!!!

Last week we were at a spring fling at a nearby park courtesy of Cheeky's school. There were kids from 3 different classes. Each class has a specific shirt they wear on field trips.. Cheeky's class wears a red shirt. We have been talking lately about how we always have a choice.. to be good or bad and we should always choose to be good. As I was watching the kids play, a fight erupted between the red and yellow shirt "groups"! These are 4 yr olds and already they do this!! Anyway, one of the boys in the yellow shirt pushed down 2 kids in the red shirt from a ledge.. both Cheeky's friends.. so this little firebrand of mine walks up to the boy in the yellow shirt both hands on his hips with an ominous look, shouting "What did you just do?" I destroyed his moment by calling out to him "Cheeky".. he walked up to me wit the same furious expression "But mommy that boy is making all the bad choices.. " I tried reasoning "You know what you do then .. you ignore him".. I got a reply in full volume "But someone needs to tell him or GOD is going to be very mad"!! Unfortunately it is very difficult to keep a straight face when you see a 4 yr old so furious and itching to do some moral policing.. thankfully a teacher stepped in and took the yellow shirted boy away for some pep talk.. The rest of us had a good laugh!!

We are vegetarians.. but I am not sure for how long Cheeky will keep that way.. He came home the other day looking very thoughtful.
"Mommy does corn dog have a hot dog in it?"
"Yes dear"
"But whats on the outside is not meat is it?"
"No dear"
"So mommy can you buy me one?"
I just stuck to my puzzled expression which seems a fixture on my face these days!
"I will just eat the outside and leave the hot dog!"
"Why not eat that too?" I ask
"But that is a cow isnt it?"
Cheeky got rewarded with a veggie corn dog this weekend :P

A week before mother's day the school was planning a surprise for the mother's. But they couldn't keep it a surprise from me unfortunately.. they were stumped by the logic of one 4 yr old!
The gift was supposed to be a tile with the hand print of the kid.. when Cheeky was asked to do that he refused.
"My hand would get messy" he declared...
"But this is a gift for your mom" the teacher told him
"I am sure my mom would not like messy hands for a gift" was the answer!
hahaha
A very tired looking teacher approached me that afternoon.. "Can you please tell Cheeky you would like that for a gift?"
So I had my talk with Cheeky and send him off to school. He came back looking stoic. With playdoh in his hair and paint all over his clothes. This is a first.. I asked him what had happened.
"You told me you liked me to get messy.. so this is my gift for you"!
Ever since I have been washing off the mess in his hair and clothes every day!! I really could have lived without the mother's day gift!

I bet many of you mom's out there have done this tag already.. if you haven't you are welcome to take it up.. so are all the dads, aunts, uncles and grand parents.. meanwhile let me go summer proof my house... the vacations are here!!

Abracadabara...

A friend of mine called me with "some parenting dilemma"... Does she even know me? That was one of M's first questions too... but anyway I take this as a tribute to having survived 4 years of baby mayhem at the Cheeky household! Finally some recognition after years of being snubbed by fellow mom's who would call me about all kinds of things, but never any parental advice!

Anyway when this friend called me I was so happy... rubbed my hands in delight and plotted.. what can I say? So I directed her to my blog "You should find answers to all your questions here".. serves her right for not reading my blog what do you say?

Yeah I know.. with that I am sure I have killed it.. no one is ever going to pose me with a parenting question ever again are they? So my dearest N if you happened to trust me enough to read my blog "GOTCHA"... As a bonus I leave you with this tale....

The other afternoon.. after being reprimanded time and again for "not spending time with him, I escorted Cheeky to the patio and there we sat Cheesecake in hand (now you know where I get them love handles?) contemplating the world at large! When Cheeky declared
"I don't think Daddy does any work at office"
I have suspected this all along.. I think it is just his ploy to go away and get some me time! So it was very interesting that this imp of mine thought the same...
"I think he plays baseball.. no .. no.. I think he plays cricket, and then sits and talks to his friends about cricket"
Sounds very plausible.. but I had to get some doubts clarified "So do you think they pay him for that?" I could do that you know talk about cricket with friends, I could even run around the field dropping catches if I could only get paid for it!
"No they don't pay him for that" declared Cheeky bringing my dreams crashing down
"So where do we get the rent money from" ask I.. time to get my finances straight at the very least?
"I think that money is just magicked here" Magic? You can get money by magic? How come I knew nothing of this?
"Daddy knows magic?"
"No amma, Daddy can't do magic" looking exasperated.. he even put me to test pointing to the patio railing," see if you can make that go away... just point and do shush"
Of course nothing would budge, next the imp tried ... nothing!! Nada! Zilch!
"See we can't do magic" he declared. I did not know this was part of the plan.. I sat there completely speechless...
"But my uncle can do magic"
"Your uncle? you don't even have an uncle" I declare!
"Sure I do, B Chitappa " (my husband's cousin)
By this time I am giving him a hypnotic stare....
"When I was in India he used magic to make something go away and then he made it come right back" aahaa.. now my brain is sinking below the ground.. can you help me get it?
"I will tell him. He will magic some money and send it flying here.. then we can hold out our hands and get some money" demonstrating.. the money was dumped in a pile and the pile grew and grew and grew till we never have to move again.. for the door now lay hidden behind the mountain of money..
Serves me right for having spent the better part of the evening with a 4 yr old hyper imaginative imp! I went in to turn on the TV.. I would have watched anything.. even the saans bahu madness on Indian TV.. Anything to return back from my hypnotic state...

Cheeky followed me in and declared
"When I grow up I will be a king, then I don't have to do any work I will just magic all the money" We can have M give up all the pretense of work too!! What fun!!

And N you ask me about a parenting dilemma? I have a son who dreams of being a couch potato!! Oh well, like mom like son!

And there's more .... after spending the better part of the weekend with the imp. Not to mention chauffeuring him around to the science museum, planetarium and the toy store. After this, M had the audacity to turn on the computer and claim to work! Cheeky walked up to him and declared "You need to get another job!"
M asked "Why?"
Cheeky "You don't get any time to play with me on this job"
Maybe another job will let him stay at home with Cheeky and play. And there is always magic.

And thats why I am called Mom!

VJ very naively tagged me to do this... Now every one who reads my blog knows I am a far from perfect mom! But Cheeky being Cheeky, has accepted me for what I am (like he had a choice)... and I have accepted that my son is going to be His Cheekiness (like they say its all in the genes...).. I wrote his birth story here ages back...but still here is a recap, if this is less from perfect don't tell me I did not warn you!! (img: www.allposters.com)

1. WAS YOUR PREGNANCY PLANNED? If you call bull dozing the hub into stoic compliance.. oh yes it was planned {wink}

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Very much.... in every sense of the word.. we had even crossed all stages of marital bliss to a place where we are adept at throwing and warding off daggers!!

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Looked up at the sky (because I still believe God lives there, Neptune is somewhere about there isn't it?).... and declared "About time!"

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? What part of 1 did you not get?

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? You think I am giving that away.. lets just say I was old enough to have a kid OK?

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? How does everyone? Peeing on a stick!! No dizzy vomiting in the middle of the house.. movie style! Alas!

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? Despite all warnings on the box, I tested at midnight ("just because I was up" I later told the hubs). Woke him up in the middle of the night to declare "You really better get used to being rudely woken up in the middle of the night mister, because that's what is going to happen in 9 months". The guy mumbled and fell back asleep and woke me up in the morning to ask "Did you talk to me last night?".. So technically you could say it was the Hubs!

8. DUE DATE? My son was 4 days late.. he took his own sweet time the little imp.. so don't get me started on the due date!

9. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?I had all kinds of sicknesses.. all day!! eeww!!

10. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? I pretended to crave everything Ice creams, Chocolates and what not.. but my Doc was not buying it .. so sadly I was required to diet and eat healthy... but then since she did not have a spy cam, you could say I followed every diet she put me on!! ;)

11. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? Surprisingly what bugged me was the way people thought I was an invalid.. I was known to declare to people.. want to race I bet I will beat you hands down!! (People thought I was raving mad and ran at the sight of me!)

12. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy!

13. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? Of course I did.. imagine the fun I would have had shopping. But instead for the first year I shopped for my niece every time I went out to buy something for my son!!

14. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? Lets just leave it at enough to have a big fat tummy.. seriously who formulated these questions? I am sure that person is out to get me!

15. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Traditional Southie style baby shower

16. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? Surprise not for me, for I helped plan it.. but for others, who were really surprised to see defiant rebellious me go through with something like that!!

17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? No it was all hunky dory.. do you think God was out to get us women when he designed this child birth thingy? And you dare ask me if it was complicated? I bet the person who wrote these questions is a guy! I spent 9 months looking and feeling like a beached whale.. not to mention the pushing of the football.. and I get asked if it was complicated? Pregnancy is complicated mister!!

18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? At a hospital of course.. For all my talk of independence I am really not into home birthing! Lets just leave that to the more adventurous ancestors!

19 HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? You really want all the gory details? How about 22 hrs? Beat that!!

20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? The Hubs of course.. let me see him get out of that one!!

21. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? A jam packed room of nurses, doctors and 1 poor lost soul - Hubby Dear! But I am sure they all wished they were somewhere else ... I am sure the Hubs wished he was watching a cricket match instead.. hell so did I :)

22. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Natural

23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? Just about anything I could get my hands on! Including an epidural!

24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? Normal?

25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? One cold October night with the winds bellowing outside and the rains beating against the window shutters!

26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Amongst other names he is going to hold me accountable for when he grows up... Cheeky! But then I have met my match, the imp first renamed himself when he was 2 and continues to do that every few months.. now he goes by Max (I think).. when he settles on a name I will make sure to tell ya!

27. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN? He is 4 going on 14 going on 40!!

28. WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION WHEN THE DOCTOR ANNOUNCED THE SEX OF THE BABY? Whatever!! As long as there was a healthy human baby I was past caring!

29. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST REACTION ON SEEING THE BABY? Sleep!! So I am not perfect, let all the others gush over the baby, I will have my turn when I have more energy right?

30. DID YOU CRY? No! I was too tired to think let alone cry!! I might have cried when they brought in a stretcher.. I distinctly remember exclaiming to the nurse "What Now you tell me I cant walk?"

So there you go... don't tell me I did not warn you!! But at the end of the day, my life is ruled by the little Cheeky Imp who reads me my rights every day!! Not to mention the fact that I get to share my computer chair with Cheeky.. he can't get off because we are in a boat and there is an angry river in the carpet below!! So while I hang to the edge of my life saving boat, I type this!! Sweet revenge you think?

To black holes and back...

Anyone who has read my posts long enough know of my fascination with Calvin and Hobbes.. Friends have compared this mom-son duo to Hobbes and Calvin in the past. I don't know about the former, but the latter is true! There is a Calvin in Cheeky! But there is a Calvin in each one of us.. isn't there? Who wouldn't like someone who can say this...

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing.

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information

well I could go on and on.. I just love that little guy!! But, here is where I draw the line... buying the complete series of Calvin Hobbes for an atrocious price. I cant sleep at night these days! No it wasn't me, but a silly girl who has a lost looking fiance who would buy her anything! Me? I have to live with reading Calvin and Hobbes on the internet.. just you wait Missy.. I will be there soon and then you will never see the books again {wink}

Back to regular programming - Cheeky Tales!
My little imp has his teacher's bewildered, let alone me! In a parent conference, his teacher discussed his antics at school with me. She seemed really worried that she just cant get him to eat... "I have to keep reminding him to eat" she told me "he just wants to keep talking"! After a lot of screaming and shouting and warning him that I would just stop giving him food, I seemed to have got him to eat the other morning, when I sat him down for a snack. I left the room lest he start talking to me! A few minutes later I heard some voices and rushed to see who was the impostor. My son sat there with some animal crackers and cheese.. talking to his food! I give up!!

You teach them things that's supposed to make them smarter and wiser and you get this from them later in the day "Amma my brain is asking my face to be angry".!! I have been getting a lot of these "Its not me, just my brain" excuses these days! Sigh!

And then there is the most recent fascination of all.. outer space! My son has been devouring on any information he can get on space, planets, the solar system and the milky way galaxy! So much this is our topic of discussion every day - day in and day out! However he seemed very upset one morning..

"Amma God created the universe right?"
"He created Jupiter so the meteors would stop hitting Earth right?"
"So why did he create black holes?"
After a lot of explanations and (what seemed more like) negotiations
"I know! Black holes are like Vacuum cleaners, they clean up the mess in space"! Huh? I bet there is no Cheeky in space though, to create the mess! (img: http://www.mobiriot.com)

While space is very fascinating we find it interfering with every theory about God... So..
"Amma where does God live"
An unsuspecting mom answers "Heaven!" (You think you are so smart don't you? Take this...)
"Is Heaven on Earth? I don't think so!"
"Heaven is somewhere in space Sweety"
"You think God is floating around in space?" (The expression on his face clearly says Whats wrong with her?)
I see an image of my reputation falling down to the ground and some...
"Where do you think heaven is?"
"I think it is in Neptune!"
So if you are ever need God, now you know where to look! (img: www.astro.virginia.edu)

Or you could listen to Calvin and let things be....

" I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
-- Calvin "

AMEN!

Diaries of a sleep deprived mom!

There was an era ages ago when I could go to sleep and stay asleep through the night.. undisturbed, unruffled, unpushed and my comforter stayed on me till I chose to toss it in the morning.. the day is long gone! My sleepless nights began when I decided to have a kid.. I struggled with insomnia through my pregnancy while I pushed M to the limits as well.. when I turned the air conditioning to dangerously low temperatures and he wore layered clothes and stayed wrapped in blankets in the heat of good old Chennai! Still I found it too warm to sleep.. and kept loitering about the house mumbling to myself and the little thing playing football in my tummy! "How many times do I have to tell you.. that is not a football field.. now do you mind coming out just yet?" No wonder men hold babies like they would a football (I mean American football.. God forbid they started holding it like Indian football aka soccer!)

But I soon found out that the bundle of joy meant more sleepless nights.. only now I wanted to sleep! So I tried to tackle hunger and the loud wails in my sleep .. as a result many a days the water ended up in the box of formula and the box needed to be thrown out the next morning! Finally M started mixing the formula just so he could save some money! I weaned the imp off the night bottle as early as I possibly could.. without seeming inhumane and un-motherly (after all the Indian mothers and grand mom's already eyed me with barely concealed disgust at my mothering skills/ debacles). Anyway, once the imp was weaned I was so ready to have my sleep back.. only he wanted to wake up every time he wet his diaper.. wailing loudly in disgust and anger! At a little over 1, he decided he no longer liked his crib and our nights were intercepted with wailing and crying trips to our bed and back.. till we finally gave up and exiled the crib for good! But that did not solve our sleep deprivation! For even tiny feet can hurt when they kick you in the rib incessantly.. and the tiny hands can haul off the comforter on a cold night!

The toddler bed arrived. There were nights when we would hear loud screams because the blanket had been kicked off and a furious little thing yelled because he was cold! Or one of the dozen stuffed toys in the bed had gone missing.. I would be frantically hunting for a minuscule toy in the dark of the night! 4 years later, you would think I can finally sleep through the night!

But no such luck... I am woken up because of many reasons...
Because someone realized he preferred Sheriff jatti (briefs) to King jatti.. so he wanted to return the Lightning McQueen jatti and get the Sheriff one instead! (Whaa??.. )
Because he decided he doesn't like mommy anymore.. and wants to know why she was being so mean to him in his dream? (Maybe because she hasn't slept in 4 years?)
Because there is no room in his bed! (But we would never consider hauling less than a dozen stuffed toys to our bed would we? Now they have taken over!)
Because there is a cold spot in the comforter!
Because someone no longer likes the much craved for car toddler bed anymore! "I want a bunk bed instead"
Because we wanted GM cereal boxes to have Madagascar toys, but they are no longer available!
Because Mc D stopped giving out Kungfu panda toys!

and the list goes on..

And then there is the crawling into Mommy's bed because of these various reasons... and whispering loudly in her ears.. and if she manages to turn around.. kneeing her in the back! And then when he has finally been successful in kicking mom off the bed, he lets out a sigh and spreads himself.. eagle like and falls asleep! While mommy just has to get herself an extra strong cup of coffee and greet the bright day with her sore back!!
But this mommy has a plan.. tonight, she is going to slip out to the car and curl up in there! Maybe I will even drive to a remote corner and park.. no point in getting busted by the toddler is there?

Dreaming big...

For the past week I have been conjuring up images of my historic come back into the blogging world. I was supposed to have lost weight with my gym routine and staged a come back where I proudly announce the loss of all those love handles.. and at least 20 pounds.. but instead all I have to announce is the sweet taste of chocolate cake and the gain of a few more pounds! Well what the heck, its not like I will be needing the weight loss.. my valentine has no choice but to take me out and get me an obese looking chocolate cake and manicotti and EggPlant Parmesan with extra cheese. Might as well bury the guilt and enjoy the meal.

I also wanted to talk about an upcoming book, article.. anything which tells me that I have been useful this past year when I spent hours every day on the blogger. But lets face it, who would buy a book of my rants and raves. At least I am realistic enough to see it for what it is.

So while some of you have been speculating with finger tapping restlessness and evil grins (Suma I have been reading the comments you know!), I have been lolling around and nursing my self infested writer's block.. not to mention the martinis and vodkatinis that I drown down when I look at the abysmal CNN every night. Just kidding... I have never touched alcohol ever in my life.. wish I could drown them though... but boy are cosmopolitan's out of reach!! (I mean that literally)

Meanwhile Cheeky has been his old cheekish self.. sending us to duck under the table and find new places to hide every day.. with his endless questions! 4 years back, little did I think that I would be on the Internet every day hunting up answers for all the endless questions!! He has big dreams though... just yesterday this conversation (or rather monologue) ensued..

I am going to build a castle.. with 7 floors and an elevator to go up and down in. Then we will go live there...

The first floor will have a living room with a movie theater.. I will grow this TV (pointing to my 50" plasma.. not big enough for the imp?) and have lots of seats..

Me: can we have a movie theater room?

No no we will have the movie theater in the living room. And in the other room we will have a monkey joes! (yeah that makes a lot of sense, after sitting for long we will go uncramp our legs by bouncing!). And we will go out of the movie theater and get some popcorn (Me: I am not making popcorn). that's okay someone else will make popcorn ...

On the second floor (yes the first floor just has 2 rooms)... we will have 3 working rooms, one for you, one for daddy and one for me. And then we will have a bus? (A bus?) one made of bricks amma, it will be a fun bus! I will be the driver, daddy the conductor and you will be the passenger! (yes I am always that.. the passenger.. but conductor? I am not sure where that comes from.. I don't think he has seen the fun guys handing out the tickets in India.. I always wanted to be a conductor as a kid...)

On the third floor we will have a restaurant.. (I am not cooking I scream), that's OK Daddy and I will be the chef. He will cook and I will help him (this from a guy who adds salt and eggs to hot chocolate and another who needs a route map to the kitchen, imagine what I would be eating.. apparently hiring a chef is out of question too.. I must consider moving out of the castle.. which is now beginning to sound like a death trap.. but wait the best is yet to come)... there would also be 2 more working rooms on this floor.. (why I ask) for us to work together.

On the fourth floor there would be some lions and giraffes and tigers and basically the entire cast of Madagascar. I and my rabbits are not allowed on this floor unless the rabbits want to be the lions meal.. And I am supposed to lock the rabbits in the cage when the lions visit the movie theater to see a movie (boy are we thorough). (Can I please move out?)

On the fifth floor there is a football field. The sixth floor has a basket ball and tennis court

The seventh floor has 4 bedrooms. One for you amma, one for daddy (yeah he wont listen to reason... ), one for me and the fourth for Salty (his dog)! (What about when thatha and chitti come to visit I ask?) I will have a living room in the seventh floor where they can sleep. (They need a room I answer.. he considers letting them sleep with salty oh yes let them sleep with the dogs).. but then no salty needs his room they can go pet him but cant sleep there! (Thank goodness, the living room sounds much better... but then I cant let that go),.. so we have 2 more bedrooms installed in the seventh floor. There is also a patio in the seventh floor where when Daddy and Cheeky go they turn into super heroes.. Cheeky is batman and Dad is superman. Mom could be super girl but she cant fly :(. (I am curious, what does batman do?) His job is to fix bats. You know amma batman has a very sad face. I think its because he doesn't like fixing bats. So he is going to be Superman's helper. And superman is hawk's helper. Amma you can be hawk. Hawk is batman's helper.. (that makes a lot of sense.. we will all help each other...). And they fly down from the patio to the playground with a sandpit. And play there.. they also play soccer in the soccer field and ride on the trains Gordon and Thomas and the list goes on to include every engine in Island of Sodor!

I finally had to send him to bed with promises that the castle would appear in his dream.. by this time I had listened to the monologue for 2 hours straight.. I curled up on the couch and put a hot pack to my head and turned on the dark looking CNN, anything to drive away images of me dropping to the ground from the seventh floor after having been chased by lions and tigers, not to mention 4 dogs, and oh yes the food! God I am shaking!

I think this story should be enough to entitle me a break from everything.. but for now.. I am just going to go rest my head for a while before Cheeky wants to share more tales!

A huff and a puff

It has been a long month... what with the christmas parties and the rush to bring Santa home. While wishing that Santa would send me a gift in the form of maybe a lottery or a sweepstake.. maybe millions of dollars or a big bad car... anything would be welcome! But ofcourse Santa fooled me this year too!! huff!
However the holidays have been fun.. and I have been catching up on movies.. I even fit in a mini vacation where I managed to drag myself off the couch long enough to visit a city 4 hrs away and eat loads of Indian food, as well as treat Cheeky to a trip to the Nation's largest aquarium!
Managed to avert that trip to Pet smart... so far! And have been spooking myself with tales of dogs gone bonkers.. on Discovery!!
As you can see all this busy schedule has left me with no bloggable material.. not to mention a house looking like a hurricane hit it. So I might be gone for a wee bit longer.. while I get my life in order :P And while at it get my brain in some semblance of order too.. at least to answer the million questions Cheeky asks.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you...

And thanks a lot to Hip Hop Grandmom, PG and Just another mommy for the wonderful award they gave me
[This award is given to a blog that invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.]

I pass this on to
Rayshma, Pavi, Gladriel, Prats, Suma, Mama Mia, K3 and Vish

Happy New Year.. and adieu for a while.. I will be back soon.. till then take care and stay safe!